Seniors Site

An old lady came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they’re soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"

"Here is a prescription, Mrs. Barker. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."

The next week, an upset Mrs. Barker marched into Dr. Johnson’s office, "Doc, I don’t know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse. I’m farting just as much, and they’re still soundless, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Calm down, Mrs. Barker," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we’ve fixed your sinuses, we’ll work on your hearing."

At the age of 87 and 83, an elderly couple got married. Isn’t that good news? At that age, couples would most likely just rest and stay in the comfort of their homes watching their favorite shows, cooking or reading the early morning paper. But what is more exciting is the fact that these two people that I am actually talking about are both lesbians.

Yes, it is true, they got married. When California gave a thumbs up sign for same sex marriage, among the first ones to get married are Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin, who are both lesbians and become a couple for more than half a century already. Now that is a clear depiction of love. San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newscom was the one who officiated the weddings in a private ceremony at the City hall. He was happy for the couple and wished them all the best.

Even though they were actually having a hard time reading their vows and inserting their rings due to the sight problems that hound most seniors, I could clearly see how happy they were when their long awaited dream of marriage finally became a reality.

Two senior citizens were lamenting one day about getting old.The first one says, "My neck hurts so much I have a hard time turning my head left or right". The second one says, "My eyes are so bad with cataracts I can barely see four feet away". The first senior pipes in, "Yes, and my arthritis in my hands is so bad somedays I can’t grip anything". The second senior replies, "My hearing is shot, couldn’t hear a train coming if it was right in front of me". Then the first senior says, "But at least we still got our driver’s license".

Summer is not just for kids. Senior citizens have all the right to have fun as well even for just a short period of time. Picnic is one of the best summer activities of all time. Every family should be able to enjoy a good meal outside the house once in a while.

On June 25, there will be a picnic festival to be held in Broome Community College. The affair would last from 10 am up to 2:30 pm. Every senior could learn how to prepare new foods during the cooking demonstration where experts will be invited to teach. Of course, there would be games and a lot of prizes. You can also learn how to  make handcrafted jewelry. There will also be some dancing and music to top the day off. Also, prepare yourself for a baked chicken for lunch plus all the fixings. All of these for just $3 per person! If you want to join now, call Broome County Office for Aging at 778 24 11.

The fight and the research against Alzheimer’s has taken a huge amount of time and a huge amount of money as well. The fund for the research, I’m sure is not enough to find the accurate cure for the said disease.

The government has added an additional boost of $2 Million for the research into mental illness that affect the elderly and not just Alzheimer’s. It will fund the study into psychogeriatic conditions and it will be conducted by the department of Health and Ageing and the National Health and Medical research council. The research will include age related disorders and those who are with life long mental health issues.

Hopefully, the research will bear a result that would make the lives of elders a lot more easier.

The Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."

The next day, the 75-year-old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day.

The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, Doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with he teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn’t get that damn jar opened!"

More and more seniors are in need of affordable and low cost housing that offers generally the same type of service that high cost housings have. In Lake Tahoe, the construction of the second senior citizen housing complex has started yesterday.

The finance agency of the state approved $4.73 million for the said project which shall receive about $346,000 in tax credits. This housing will cater senors who are generally on fixed incomes.

In order to qualify for the housing, they must be 62 years old or older with an income which is 50 percent or less of the areas median income. The rents will be around 570 to 680 dollars for the one and two bedroom units. The opening of the complex is expected to occur by summer in 2009.

I don’t do drugs anymore…
I get the same effect just standing up fast.

A priest and Rabbi are on the same flight. The entire time the plane is in the air the priest is trying to convert the Rabbi. The Rabbi politley listens and trys to go on about his business. All of a sudden the plane goes into a terrible nose dive.

A few minutes later, with the plane on the ground, in shambles around their feet and all the other people dead the priest looks up, and to his amasment he sees the Rabbi preform the sign of the cross.

The priest runs over to the Rabbi and in a very excited voice says "I knew it, I knew it, I have converted you!", the Rabbi looks at the priest and says "What converted, specticals, testicals, wallet and watch."