Seniors Site

…..And proud of it!

I’m the life of the party… even when it lasts until 8 p.m.

I’m very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

I’m good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, and antacid.

I’m the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you’re saying.

I’m very good at telling stories. Over and over and over and over.

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

I’m so cared for - long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians.

I’m positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

I’m having trouble remembering simple words like…uh???…uh.

I’m now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.

I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.

I’m anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.

I’m walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.

I’m going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors. Absolutely nothing!

If you are what you eat, I’m Shredded Wheat and All Bran.

I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I’m in the initial stage of my golden years. SS, CD’s, IRA’S, AARP.

I’m wondering, if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

I’m supporting all movements now…by eating bran, prunes, and raisins.

I’m a walking storeroom of facts, I’ve just lost the key to the storeroom.

I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN, and I think I am having the time of my life!!!!

ALWAYS REMEMBER: The world was made round so that we would never be able to see too far down the road.

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A high cholesterol level is very dangerous especially for a senior citizen. This can trigger heart disease. Here are some suggestions to help lower cholesterol levels.

1. Avoid too much fatty and fried foods.
2. When you have to eat food with fat, eat those with unsaturated fat.
3. Reduce the amount of red meat that you eat. Have more fishes.
4. Take in enough soluble fiber.
5. Do not eat more than 3 egg yolks per week.
6. Get plenty of exercise and stop smoking.

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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

GERT: Holy smoke, What’s that?
MABEL: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

GERT: Where did you get it?
MABEL: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Gert hobbles into the local drugstore and tells the pharmacist that she needs a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, almost 90 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers. Gert answers, "Doesn’t matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

*Source: http://www.suddenlysenior.com/seniorjokebook3.html

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Inflammatory bowel disease not just occurs in seniors but also in everyone. It is a chronic illness of the digestive tract. There are two distinct types of this disease, the Crohn’s disease and the ulcerative colitis.

To keep it under control, here are some suggestions.

1. Take nutritional supplements. Of course, discuss this first with your doctor.
2. Reduce your intake of dairy products.
3. Eat a low-fat diet that is recommended by your doctor.
4. Stay away from food that is high in undigestible fiber.
5. Eat smaller meals more frequently throughout the entire day.

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A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the old saying, "You can’t take it with you."

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.

His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash.

"Oh, that old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

*source: http://www.suddenlysenior.com/seniorjokebook2.html

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