Seniors Site

Two priests die at the same time and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, “I’d like to get you guys in now but our computers are down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as humans. What’ll it be?”
The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will you be keeping track of us, St. Peter ?”
“No, I told you the computer is down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you are doing. This week’s a freebie.”
“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.
“Will you have trouble locating them?” He asks.
“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the Rocky Mountains, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”
“Why?” asks the Lord.
“Because he’s on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska.”

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Depression is not a normal part of the aging process. However, it is pretty common to people who are older than 65. The symptoms also differ for seniors as compared to younger people.

Here are some of the symptoms of depression among senior citizens.

1. Losing interest in activities that they have enjoyed before.
2. Feeling sad, numb, worthless or feeling guilty.
3. Crying for no reason at all and frequently.
4. Feeling restless, slow, tired and irritable.
5. A sudden change in appetite of unexplained change in their weight.
6. Changes in sleeping patterns
7. Difficulty in remembering and concentrating.
8. Having headaches
9. Suicidal thoughts

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it? God says “no” and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she has another 30-40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”

God replies, “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you.”

Source: http://seniors-site.com/funstuff/jokes97.html

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During the senior years, you would always go out and enjoy the world in a different perspective. While spending time outside especially when camping, they need to be protected. Aside from the clothes that they wear, they may need to put on some insect repellent as well.

Here are some suggestions on how to apply it safely:

1. To avoid irritation, apply the repellent to clothing.
2. Use only a small amount of repellent on the skin and avoid contact with the eyes.
3. Do not use highly concentrated repellent.
4. Never inhale or swallow the repellent.

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses. She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells out, “Was I going up the stairs or down?”

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She knocks on wood for good measure. She then replies, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

*Source: http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Seniors.htm