Moving our senior parent to a Senior Residence is quite stressful for both parent and child. It is more emotionally painful than the physical exhaustion of the moving process itself. Sometimes, it breaks the parent/child bond if not handled properly.
Unfortunately, broaching up the moving issue is solely made for the child or the primary caregiver as he will be the one to decide whether his ward must or must not move to a health care facility. This should be a judgment call for the child and a very difficult one at that. Moreover, he should be able to convince the senior parent that this move is indeed for the best and the child is only looking after the parent’s best interest, not his own. It is extremely important for the child to express this since it’s a very common misconception of aging parents who felt forced to move to somewhere they didn’t approve of. Here are some tips to make it smooth as possible:
1. First and foremost, established, on-going good relationship between the parent and the child is a MUST. Good relationship includes trust and trust is what you need to make it clear to both parties.
2. Both parties should be calm and level during discussion even if the issue is very conflicting. Take some time to let all voices be heard across and allow some flexibility with the matter at hand.
3. The number one hindrance in moving a senior is fear. You, as their child should be able to address this properly and reassure your aging parent that they are not thrown out of the family’s circle by moving him out of the house. Remind your parent that you are doing this to provide him with the health care assistance he truly needs and deserves.
4. Your senior parent may half-heartedly agree within the first family discussion; it is best to reinforce it by letting him choose the health care facility, type of room, room color etc. Allowing your aging parent to decide will somehow boost their depleted self-confidence.
5. Remember that moving your senior parent to an assisted-living facility is hard for both parties; if it doesn’t work out the first time, allow some time for the issue to cool off and be thought upon thoroughly.
6. There are senior moving assistance and groups that will help you move your senior parent while providing you with counseling and other stuff that you might need during the move. Explore these venues further.
7. It is hard for seniors to separate with their things. These are their treasures accumulated overtime and sometimes it is impossible to bring all of them to the health care facility. While it is recommended to either donate or sell their stuff to downsize, I would suggest that the child hold on to them for a while just so the parent will feel safe and secure.
8. It is but natural for your parent to act indifferent or would not cooperate at all. These are issues which can be easily solved with patience and real concern. Try to imagine yourself as a kid being dumped in an orphanage—that is exactly what they are feeling right now. Try to understand that.
9. Your senior parent’s support group is very important. These people will make her understand the transition even more.
10. Prior to the move itself, try to visit or call your aging parent regularly in hopes of gaining his or her confidence even more.
More often than not, the child would come across as brash, insensitive young adult wanting to get rid of the aging parent fast or the parent would be the hard-headed, unrealistic person trying to establish authority over the matter even if he or she truly needs help. This argument depends on who is looking and from what side he is from; not to mention, the viewer’s age bracket. Again, this is a personal, family issue that can be easily solved with long talks and trust building—all of these can only be acquired through parent/child bonding. Spend time with your senior parent more often.
