Seniors Site

Abused Caregivers?

We often hear about caregivers abusing seniors but we seldom hear about caregivers getting abused by their ward. Unfortunately, it happens– to a point that no one ever acknowledges it nor believes their tales.
Patterns of abused caregivers are fairly the same. They end up feeling they are the only ones who can do the job—better than anyone else in the world. They will reject any kind of help even from people closest to them and unconsciously build walls to isolate themselves—playing hero all along and never detecting anything wrong with the current setup. Lucky are those who have seniors recognizing their efforts and thanking them endlessly but what about those with wards who are not taking everything too well and have decided to retaliate by making their caregiver’s life so miserable? Seniors who are not quite ready to be served, cared for and assisted are usually the ones who abuse their caregivers verbally and emotionally. A caregiver experiencing such abuse, no doubt, feels trapped and obligated to take everything in, even if they don’t have to.
An abused caregiver must have recognized the signs of abuse early on which tend to progress as days pass, unfortunately, a large part of them are held by guilt, pity and strong sense of commitment for their seniors so they just hold on, trying to understand the patient’s feelings and situation. On the other hand, it is common for sole caregivers to feel that certain level of power over the current situation, a power which boosts one’s self-esteem when in reality it’s only a make-believe sense of fulfillment, something that their mind creates to get them through this very hard phase in their lives.
Anger is very common to an ailing senior with caregivers who are healthy and able, especially if it’s their partners. Problem is, they will never hesitate in making their grievances felt and known by their caregivers, even attacking them in front of other people. It is also typical of them to not care at all particularly if the illness or disease seems too sudden for them to accept. By the time they feel they are losing control of their body, they will try to establish control over other things—their caregivers included.
If you are a caregiver and now feeling that you are somehow stuck in this kind of situation, do know that you have a choice and this is something that you don’t have to do alone. No one expects you to, anyway. It neither makes you a hero nor a saint, you are only compromising your health in doing such a thankless job. A caregiving job should be a gratifying one, yes there will be stress and problems along the way but at the end of the day, you should still be able to thank God you’re able to do your job well.