Seniors Site

Here are my collection of popular quotes about seniors and aging gathered from all over the internet and from my funny friends as well. Enjoy!

“I am not afraid of aging, but more afraid of people’s reactions to my aging.” ~ Barbara Hershey

“You know you’re getting old when your liver spots show through your gloves.” ~ Phyllis Diller

I never know what day of the week it is,” he gloated. “All I know is, the day the big paper comes, I have to dress up and go to church.” ~ Donald Reichert quoting his retired brother-in-law

“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” ~Bob Hope

“We are young only once, after that we need some other excuse.” ~Author Unknown

“I don’t even have hair anymore — I have hairs. Do you understand the difference? When you have hair, you can style it. When you have hairs, you can count them.” ~ J.R. Havlan on hairs

“There’s no such thing as too late. That’s why they invented death.” ~From the movie Out to Sea

“When you get old FYI is now For Your Insulin instead of For Your Information” ~ anonymous

“When you’re 60, your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.” ~ anonymous

”Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” ~Chili Davis

“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” ~Author Unknown

“The elderly don’t drive that badly; they’re just the only ones with time to do the speed limit.” ~Jason Love

“It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.” ~Quoted by Raymond A. Michel in The Leaf

“Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.” ~Author Unknown

”Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.” ~Author Unknown

“The best thing about getting old is that all those things you couldn’t have when you were young you no longer want.” ~L.S. McCandless

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” ~Jennifer Yane

“You know you’re getting old when all the names in your black book have M.D. after them.” ~Arnold Palmer

“Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.” ~Attributed to John Wagner

“A man is not old as long as he is seeking something.” ~Jean Rostand

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a
well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the
well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and
help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbo
rs continued to shovel
dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds
of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less.

NOW …

Enough of that crap. The donkey came back later
and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and
the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your ass, it always comes back to bite you!

You have two choices… smile and close this
page or pass this along to someone else to
spread the fun.

THE YEAR 1908

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1908.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1908 :
************ ********* ********* ******

The average life expectancy was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph..

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

The average wage in 1908 was 22 cents per hour.

The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year .

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME .

Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which
Were condemned in the press AND the government as ’substandard.. ‘

Sugar cost four cents a pound..

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used
Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from
Entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada, was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea
Hadn’t been invented yet.

There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn’t read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, ‘Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.’( Shocking? DUH! )

Eighteen percent of households had at least
One full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE ! U.S.A. !
And organized Barbershop didn’t exist

Now I forwarded this from someone else without typing
It (all) myself, and sent it to you and others all over Canada & U.S.A
Possibly the world, in a matter of seconds!

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

An 86 year old fisherman was sitting in his boat one day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’    He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,  ‘Pick me up.’ He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.   The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’ The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.  I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride.’ The old fisherman looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.    Then the frog said, ‘What are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.’ He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,   ‘Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.’

Jake, 92, and Sylvia, 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jake suggests they go in. Jake addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” The pharmacist answers “Yes”. Jake: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?” Pharmacist: “Of course we do.” Jake: “How about medicine for circulation?” Pharmacist: “All kinds.” Jake: “Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? ” Pharmacist: “Definitely.” Jake: “How about Viagra?” Pharmacist: “Of course.” Jake: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?” Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.” Jake: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?” Pharmacist: “Absolutely.” Jake: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?” Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.” Finally satisfied, Jake says to the pharmacist: “OK, we’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

*Source: http://www.pmcaregivers.com/Jokes2.htm

Jeff and Paula are getting ready for bed. Paula is naked standing in front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself. “You know Jeff,” she comments. “I stare into this mirror and I see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my breasts sag so much that they dangle to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped balloons, and… my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the Hindenberg! My body has just gone to hell in a hand basket!”

She turns to face her husband and says, “Dear, please tell me just one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself.” Jeff studies Paula critically for a moment and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight honey.”

*Source: http://www.pmcaregivers.com/Jokes5.htm