Seniors Site

I admit, I was quite disappointed when I heard that another long married couple who have been friends to me  decided to call it quits, and that was just a day before Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver made their break-up public. It is not only disappointing, it could be frustrating as well since these break ups either represent times have indeed change or seniors are now fickle-minded about their choices.
I was proud to say that we seniors marry for reasons long enough to stick. We were taught to consider marriage as something you cherish and keep forever however with senior marriages breaking and senior couples splitting, I am not so sure  anymore.
But one can’t help but think, why are they splitting and why so sudden, after years of being married? In Arnold and Maria’s case, we know that infidelity might be the reason but I don’t think that is the entire reason behind their decision to go on separate ways. That can’t be, if you look at my perspective. It is important to note too that extramarital affairs are seldom the reason in 50-something marriages breaking up. However, it can be the “last pulled string” to most senior marriages.
According to my friends who recently divorced their longtime partners, their break ups are a long-overdue one. Most of them endured the years just because of the same reason why marriages within my generation have successfully made it to their golden years: that is, we were taught to stay married to our partners and never jump from a marriage to another. Aside from that, our mothers told us that divorces were just done in Hollywood, not from where we live.
Like my friends say, they would have gone through divorce earlier if they had guts to do so. When asked what they mean by divorce being long-overdue, the only answer I seem to get is that the break up was a result of accumulated things, resulting into the end of years’ worth of being together.
My view is that it is really easy to grow apart when being married too long. Just because you’ve been too comfortable with your partner doesn’t mean it is okay to ignore them. Sometimes, it takes a little effort to show appreciation and by doing so, rekindling the fire that was your love and relationship. I just hate seeing senior couples breaking away from their marriages since retirement should be the time when they enjoy each other’s company and be each other’s comfort despite all the hardships that come with longterm marriages.

Sex is fun, not to mention invigorating. Having sex is found out to be very beneficial to one’s health and best of all, it can alleviate stress. However, sex can also be a pain to seniors, well, literally speaking as there are hundreds of known bodily pain to seniors that can hinder them from having good sex! Here are some remedies for pain and discomfort for aging bodies while having sex:
•    For backache. It’s impossible to reach this age without ever knowing how important your back is when having sex. I would like to think that it is the part of the body that commands it all, well a close second to the things between your legs of course. If your back tells you that it is not a good time, resistance is futile, isn’t it? So what to do with an aching back? After taking your painkillers, for safety precaution of course, it is best to find a position that works for you and at the same time kinder to your back. Don’t be afraid to explore or have your partner explore, having sex is not only doing it standing and laying—it can also be done while you’re on your side, which most seniors find very comfortable by the way.
•    Vaginal dryness. Men don’t have any idea how vaginal dryness can ruin the moment. Of course, they won’t ever know that it can be as painful as hell. However, women do know and it is up to them to save what might be the night of their life! Women, I have one word for you all:  LUBRICANT. And not just any lubricant (no, your store-bought baby oil won’t do either), it has to be your drugstore-issued lubricant—or sex store for that matter, the one that is really made for sex. It is cheap, it is safe and there’s nothing embarrassing in purchasing one. On the other hand, if you worry that buying it is like screaming sex, then have your gynecologist put it on prescription, then you just have to hand it out to the drugstore clerk for him to pack along with your medications.
•    For post-surgery. If you are just recovering from a surgery or an illness, you need to take it slow. Better yet, ask your doctor if it’s safe for you to do so however don’t be afraid to cuddle as it can make you feel better. The key to enjoyable sex after an illness is communication. By letting your partner know your doubts and fears, you’ll be able to concentrate more on the moment rather than expecting trouble ahead.

Who said that it will be easier to make new friends as we age? In fact, personally I would say that it’s harder than making friends during your prime years of 30 to 40. Personally speaking, I would not readily open myself to new friendships since I am very much satisfied with the tried and tested ones I have now. Let’s just say that I don’t have the energy to nurture new friendships anymore and the effort is not anymore worthwhile. Call it cynical but I have had my share of fake friends and believe me, it took me years to get over each one of them. At this point, I would rather enjoy the company of my real friends and not bother with new ones that may or may not turn out as what I expect them to be.
However, I know that making new ones is also important as it will widen my horizon and provide fresh views in life. With that said—and considering what was said in the first paragraph—we must make ourselves open to new friendships but somehow be able to detect early on if the friendship is worth nurturing, or starting at all. Here are some tips on how to start making new friends and spotting telltale signs if it’s worth having:
·         Compatibility. It’s like looking for a partner in life, only without the romantic feelings involve. Besides, you can never stand a person if you hate his guts, much less be a friend to this person right? You need to be somehow in-sync with one another.
·         Your willingness to open yourself up. Of course you must be willing to take chances, however, sharper instinct is a gift of age so you must use it to gauge the person you are dealing with. You should be wiser and always one step ahead but at the same time be able to give other people a chance to get to know you more and vice versa.
·         Allow some room to grow. New friendships take time to grow and being the other half of the said relationship, you must be willing to let it grow. True friendships are never instant, they are forged by years of togetherness.
·         Be honest. If you are looking for true friends and would want a relationship to last you a lifetime then you must be yourself always. Besides, it is quite impossible to be friends with someone for a long time and be a person that is not you all the time, don’t you think? If you want to make it work, they should be able to accept you for who you are and not the person you want to be.

It is not impossible to find love this late in your life. Whether it is a second-, third-, fourth marriage, or perhaps your very first, senior love stories are fascinating, if not really touching. My favorite must be a long lost, requited first love and with the technology today, that is not impossible at all!
Let me share this little story: I have a friend who was widowed by her true love a couple of years ago. This friend is one of the few friends I got from way back when. I have known her since I was 10ish so I witnessed her first everythings—of course she got to see mine too. I witnessed how losing her true love broke her and she mourned for months. She missed her kids and her grandkids who, by then, have already flown far away from home and living their own lives. Although she admitted to me that two of her married kids offered to take her in, she refused to leave her home of thirty years, much less the neighborhood she has grown to love. She’s 65 then.
I personally believe that she can make it on her own, besides, she’s in such great shape you can’t even tell she’s in her 60s but her kids were worried so they hook her up to the internet and made it a point to call/contact her every single day just to check on her. However, she’s still down most of the time and in a brink of depression when one of her grandkids introduced her to Facebook and I, without a doubt, think that it was what finally scooped her out of the dark and out to the world again.
She began updating me about old friends I can’t even remember being friends with, she went as far as organizing a get together party which doubled as a fundraiser for a local charity she’s been supporting. So you see, she got back on her feet alright. It took her long enough to find her very first boyfriend on Facebook, divorced and very much available, and started flirting right on.
Three years later, he proposed.
As happy as she was, she can’t help but worry if it’s still right to get married considering their age. Afterall, she and the guy have already moved and lived together for about a year prior to the proposal. Also, she’s worrying that it may affect their financial standing, she, being dependent on her late husband’s pension while the guy runs his own company–debt and all.
In truth, there are a lot of things you need to consider if and when you like to get married at the age of 60 and above. Of course, the first thing you would want to consider is how to run your household financially. If you and your partner will be able to sort this one before getting married then it’s worth a shot, otherwise, it would be best if you stay single and just share a home. Another way to avoid financial stress when married is to have a pre-nuptial agreement which both of you will be matured enough to take. Remember, at this age, your finances usually don’t concern only you but also your children, especially if this isn’t your first marriage.

Tired of traditional dating that usually involves too much emotion while giving you a not-so-desirable result? Hate to waste too much time and effort into something that probably won’t last? Care to break free of your stereotypical dating scene? Then perhaps it’s time for you to try speed dating!

I know. Speed dating and the aging population don’t usually go hand in hand but really, who says it cannot be enjoyed by seniors too? In truth, seniors can benefit from this type of dating since it won’t require one to invest too much emotion only to be disappointed in the end.

The beauty of speed dating is, well, the number of choices you’ll have at a given time.  They are a real time-saver. Also, remember our golden rule for first dates? Yes, safety in numbers; in speed dating, you don’t have to worry about your safety, and no one really expects you to take home a date after a round of speed dating. They are as casual as can be. Best of all, you get to meet other singles in your area or a group of people who belong to same interests as yours. This might be the solution if you are experiencing cold feet prior to entering the dating scene after a long time of being attached to someone.

Speed dating works in such a way that there will be two groups of interested singles, usually men and women, then they get to talk as pairs until you complete a round—that is, you get to talk with each and every one belonging to the other group. As pairs, you are given a limited time to talk, usually around five minutes which is just right to determine if there is a “spark” or chemistry going on between you and person you are talking to. If there is a downside to this, it would be the inability to further impress a person you are interested with since you are obligated to go through the whole process (switch partners every 5 minutes) and finish a round. However, the arrangement is best and beneficial if you happen to meet a creep and don’t want to be bothered ever again by this person.

Nobody expects you to like everyone in speed dating. Of course, that is impossible since we are dealing with a bunch of strangers however, the odds of finding a suitable mate is greater than going out on a date with just a single person. Also, you don’t have to prepare yourself elaborately for a speed dating, just a couple of questions to get you by and then you move on to the next.

Sex is good. At any age. Just as long as you can handle it. And it is not only by means of sexual satisfaction, it goes way beyond that, it even has health benefits if you want to go all scientific about it. First off, sex is a great stress reliever which may explain why after a row with your partner, all you wanted to do was to have a little roll in the hay. It is a good calorie burner, of course, as sex tends to be a lot physical however, there are some common misconceptions about sex that more or less, throw off a senior from enjoying sex. Below are some misconceptions and what seniors can do about it.

•    Hot sex is age-related. You know that isn’t true. If it were true then Ashton and Demi would have long been separated and there will be no successful May-December love affairs other than those unrealistically “unconditional” partnerships. Hot sex can be enjoyed no matter what your age is, it can even be done without penetration, as long as you both get yourselves satisfied with the act.
•    You must always have raging hormones. Unless you’re a late bloomer and you are just experiencing your “adolescence rush” then it is not possible to always be in the mood for sex. In reality, a normal person will be very well satisfied with average 4 times a week of sex and it will vary greatly from one libido to another. Never expect yours to be any different.
•    Everything you see in porn is true. So not true even if porn claims to be the greatest sex education instrument ever invented by man. For one, how can biggie penis sizes be ever true? You don’t just get that in real life and it is not always about the size especially at a certain age, say, 70ish?.
•    Being sexy is shedding your clothes in front of your man. Even your man won’t confidently shed his clothes in front of you even if his life depends on it, I bet.  Let’s face it, as we age, there are things we rather keep to ourselves and one of them is the shape of our tummies. However, you can still feel sexy—and actually be sexy without being an exhibitionist. Try on some sexy lingerie that will cleverly hide your embarrassing parts.
•    It is too much physical work. It need not be, unless you prefer it to be. In order to have a fulfilling sex, both concerned parties should be able to connect perfectly, not only by using their bodies but they should also be in-tune with one another emotionally. Remember, it should not always be physical, it can also be emotionally satisfying.

Who says Valentine’s Day is only for the young ones? Of course, it’s also an occasion for the young-at-hearts namely, us, seniors. I am not a bit embarrassed to admit that it is one of few occasions in a year when I get all excited, and dreamy, and all swoony. You can’t really blame me, with all the things I need to attend to 24/7, it’s kind of hard to get me and my partner a free time to actually go on a date or make something special for the other. It is the only day we get to spend time with each other. Just the two of us.

If you are looking for Valentine gift ideas, you shouldn’t be here as this post is not all about gifts but will take a little effort too. Valentine’s Day is not all about gifts by the way. Indeed it is sweet to receive a gift from someone you love romantically but it should be more than that, Valentine’s Day is a day when you should receive and give affirmation of love. That’s the most important part of a Valentine’s Day.

For the clueless, please drop the flowers-and-chocolates combo, let’s do something creative and worthwhile this year, what do you say? Try these unique but simple Valentine ideas for your partner:

•    Go out on a date like it’s your first time. For the gents, try to rekindle the old flame by asking your partner on a date and act like it’s your first time. That includes asking her where she wants to eat and what to do afterwards. Kiss her goodnight and you are sure to be rewarded the same night!
•    Redecorate your bedroom according to theme. It should be red, of course, however, you don’t have to repaint the whole room as you can do simple restyling tricks to make it “romance-inducing” such as throwing a sheer red cloth over your lampshade (just make sure it’s safe to do so or you risk burning the house), light a few incense to titillate his nose and perhaps replacing your cotton bedcovers with silk ones. Lastly, you can play soft music to maximize effect.
•    Browse through sex stores–online. You don’t have to go and expose your aging self out there as there are many sex stores complete with catalogues and tips online. This way you remain discreet but still be able to prepare for Valentine’s Day. Don’t worry about getting it delivered as well as most online sex stores promise to wrap your purchases as inconspicuous as possible.
•    Go for couple spa weekend! This is the greatest way to distress, renew and enjoy all at the same time. What’s more, massages are really good for seniors like you and your partner.
•    Eat outside, under the stars. No need for five-star accommodation and the works, just your simple backyard bbq will do just fine.

We all have our own parameters in life. Every man has his own idea of what’s enough and what’s lacking such that most of the time, especially if a couple is not running on same wavelength, a person may find their partners as “too much” or “too little” while the other half may find the opposite of that in the said person. Seniors are not privy to that. No matter how mature we have become when it comes to love, we seniors still need to be touched and nurtured from time to time. But how would you know if you are indeed meeting the standards for being an affectionate lover? Below are some characteristics of an affectionate lover and simple actions to express your affection effectively:

•    Kissing every time you see each other. Did you kiss your partner on your way out or perhaps when you got home? Kisses are not only good for your relationship but it does your health some good too since it triggers several psychological processes of your body which leads you to feel good about yourself. Kisses also suggest intimacy thus strengthening your bond as a couple.
•    Hold his or hand—even in public. The strongest confession of love must be the desire to hold your partner all the time, oblivious to people around you. I myself find it touching if my partner suddenly and out of the blue covers my head to protect me from drizzle. The unconscious action which uncovers your partner’s true desires must be the best expression of affection.
•    Snuggle whenever the opportunity strikes. Upon waking up, while watching TV or listening to music, after a hard day’s work or it’s cold outside and there’s nothing to do but snuggle. Snuggling is also good if you are looking for a way to distress so you must do it more often.
•    Say “I love you” every single day. This is you affirming your partner that he or she is indeed loved. Very much. There’s no way around it, if you really love this person, there should be no problem for you to do this every single day. There’s no reason for you to be embarrassed as well.
•    Snuggle when in bed—with or without sex. As long as you two sleep in one bed, there should be no “his and her side” of the bed. It is meant to be shared, and in order for you to get the full benefits of sharing a bed, you need to snuggle, and snuggle hard. Enough said.

I don’t know about you but I find holidays more romantic than a valentine’s day. Maybe it’s the duration of the occasion, holidays being a somewhat weeklong event while Valentine ’s Day is just a one-day—overnight even—stint. Or perhaps it’s the weather, holidays being colder—so much more lovely to get curled up with someone you love while nursing a cup of hot cocoa. Either way, holidays are the perfect occasion to express your appreciation for all those years your partner stayed by your side. Below are some romantic gift ideas for your partner this holiday season:

•    Personalized gifts—in pairs. His and hers towels are a good start especially if you two are already living together. If you would like to go the extra mile, then there’s gold bracelets which you can have engraved with the date you got married or a short message, if you are apt to it. Anything personalized, no matter how generic the item must be, conveys a message that you always think of your partner in every little thing you do.
•    Weekend getaway—just the two of you. Having busy weeks these past few days? Then it’s a perfect holiday gift for your loved one to just pack them up and go somewhere far and unknown to others. Think elopement. Think Napa Valley. Now, you get the idea.
•    Go for homemade—something you did with your own two hands. Think of something you are great at, like cooking or perhaps knitting: anything that your lover appreciates about you. If you’re handy with cars, why not change his or her car’s oil over the weekend or cook for two and go for a picnic. Top everything off with a kiss.
•    Join a class—together. This could be a shared interest, enroll and reserve seats for two and learn new things together. Just make sure your other half is really interested in this class as it can get awfully boring if not!
•    A time capsule of your love story. What better way to rekindle an old flame than reminding them of what it used to be. A time capsule, whether you’re trying to save a relationship or you just would like to let them know how much you care, is the best gift you can ever give to your partner.
•    Couple spa treatment. A little R&R sure goes a long way..
•    Fine and expensive things. If the partner is suffering from low self-esteem and he or she feels unworthy of anything, this is the best time to give them something that is exactly their worth in your eyes.

Believe it or not, it is easier to get a divorce than get married in America. I dare say, part of the reason why many marriages failed is knowing there is an easy way out even if the marriage was still salvageable at that time. However, we seniors belong to an era when marriage was a sacred thing that two committed persons engage in—until death intervene–at the very least, and divorce meant you failed. Apparently, these are things of the past now.

While we don’t condone divorce, we are all for saving marriages. Like I said earlier, marriage should mean staying committed to your partner and along with commitment comes the desire to make it work. Here are my favorite tricks in keeping the marriage alive even in your golden years:

•    Drop the inhibitions. So what if you can no longer lose that extra pound you’ve been battling since you gave birth to your firstborn? That’s not reason enough for seniors to hide their personalities—the one your partner fell in love with. Now that the kids are gone and you have all the time in the world, why not bring back the desirable you and make your partner fall in love with you all over again?
•    Believe in the power of words. You won’t believe how far positive affirmation can go. However, the only way to affirm your loving feelings is through words. Let your partner know how much you love and care for them.
•    Try something different today. Being in a marriage for only-God-knows-how-many years has a way of putting you and your partner in a monotonous everyday life which, by the words itself denote boredom. Doing something different every now and then not only breaks the ice but also introduces possibilities to senior marriage.
•    Leave no room for grudges. Sure your partner accumulated enough mistakes to fill a dam during your years together however, harboring that “dam” and carrying it around will only make your marriage as bitter as a balsam pear.
•    Recapture the moments. Try doing the things you and your partner did during courtship or perhaps visit places that are memorable to your relationship like where you had your honeymoon back then.
•    Spend some time apart. Not because you grew tired of seeing your partner everyday but to break the monotony. Like a breath of fresh air.
•    Count your blessings. Instead of focusing your energy in spotting his or her undesirable traits, why not start counting those you find endearing and appreciate those qualities your partner has.