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Losing A Loved-One: 5 Steps to Ultimate Healing

santos — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 08:21:21 +0000

Losing someone you love can be quite painful. Your natural reaction to death is not similar to that of other seniors. Seniors can experience difficult emotions of sadness and pain that do not seem to let up. Some people grief by showing their true feelings while others prefer to act strong and brave to ignore the pain.

Anger, shock, disbelief, fear and guilt are some symptoms of grief. The death of a loved one is probably the most painful a human being can experience. It can bring about emotions that can lead to depression.

The steps to healing can help in acceptance and moving on. You can ease your journey in healing by having knowledge of these emotions that are naturally associated to grief.

Learn about the stages of grief

Understand the stages of grief to help you cope with your loss. The stages include denial, bargaining, anger, acceptance as well as depression. Some people do not have to go all through the stages to heal since we all heal differently. An elderly can experience one or two stages and heal from the loss.

Accept your feelings

For you to heal, you have to accept the emotions going through your heart. Trying to suppress your feelings may hinder healing. You have to allow yourself to ride the stages of grief. All sorts of emotions that you may go through can be more intense and different than usual. Accept the feelings happening inside you.

Express your true feelings

Learn to express yourself. Talk to people who love and care for you about your feelings. Talk about the emotions driving you crazy and be honest with yourself. If talking about it is too painful, you can write a journal. You can talk as well as write about how you feel if both ways can help ease your grief.

Maintain your health

Don’t forget to nurture yourself and have a regular maintained schedule of good food, exercise and rest. Take some time out to pamper yourself by doing something that would make you feel better. Spoil yourself with walks in the park, relax to music and get massages.

Seek support

Join a group that will support you in your grief. Those who feel your true emotions can offer help. Those who really care for you can give you suggestions and ideas on how to ease your journey and heal peacefully.

How to Handle Boomerang Kids

santos — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 01:58:16 +0000

More and more adults are going back home. Grown up kids who experience hardships living on their own are going back home to their elderly parents. The brief experience outside the comfort zone of their parents may not be so good thus the choice to go back to
their origins.

You may be filled with anxiety if your grown up kids came running back home. This is so if you were enjoying living in an empty nest. Economic problems are among reasons that flash out the adults from their own places. High cost of living and being broke due to prolonged recession may keep pushing your kids back home.

Establish boundaries

When your adult children move back home, ensure you establish clear boundaries. Set some rules that your kids should follow to ensure you are all comfortable with living together. You can set rules in regards to music, parties, child care if any, religion, language and respect.

Set a time frame

You and your grown up kids can set a time frame to move out and work toward it. Specific time targets can help your kid work hard and save enough money to move out and get an apartment. The agreement can help kids focus more firmly on the future.

Establish clear communication

Talk with your children with open clear communication channels. Senior fathers and mothers have to chat with their kids about responsibilities and expectations. Talk about what is expected of them in regards to utilities, chores, guest, cooking, rent and laundry. You can also advise them on their future, finances and careers.

Learn the changes of your kids have undergone

To live happily with your boomerang kids may require you to learn and understand the changes your kids have undergone. Do not assume you know what the kids are going through or have been going through. This can ensure a smooth transition because you will be in a position to live together harmoniously.

Prepare for money requests

Be ready to be asked for financial assistance from your adult kids. If your kids are broke and cannot provide money for the basics, you can help them without jeopardizing your financial. Provide some assistance while encouraging them to find a job and contribute to their keep.

Do what you can

Do not push yourself to the limits. Seniors should do what they can for their kids without compromising their future or home.

Senior Home Makeover On A Budget!

santos — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 06:53:43 +0000

Once in a while, we find ourselves bitten by the “makeover” bug. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of changing your hairstyle or perhaps a quick trip to a nail salon but most of the time, the change of scenery starts at home. However, money is a factor when going for a makeover and a big space like that of your home would surely cost a lot. For budget-challenged seniors who would like to give their homes a new look, here are some tips to get you by:

* Clear the room and start from scratch. With all those accumulated junk littering your home, it’s quite hard to see the beauty and potential of a room, right? If you would like to test your “eye for beauty”, why not start with the guest room since it is rarely used therefore won’t cause any disturbance or difference if held unusable for days. Take everything that can be moved out – everything, including the bed, if it’s not fixed. With a bare room, you’ll be able to see what needs to be done to make the room brighter.
* Invest in good, classy cabinets to hold your display items. Seniors indeed don’t run out of things to display but leaving them out to collect dust is never a good idea. Your cabinets don’t have to be expensive, just as long as it is sturdy and can stand the test of time.
* Bring in plants. This is ONLY IF you swear to water them and care for them everyday otherwise, just leave them out and alone as a favor. Plants bring life to a house and it brightens up a place.
* Sort your junk – your older junk! Take a quick trip to your storage area –ideally while taking out the current junk from your house –then do a quick inventory of the things you already have there and can be used again inside the house that will suit your current theme. This is called “recycling”. A little restoration can make it interesting again.
* Go for yellow tones as they tend to make a very stylish accent. Orange, brown and mustard are your perfect colors. Don’t make a mistake of choosing too bright and too dull colors, just the ones in between.
* Use old dresses that are no longer serviceable considering your age as pillow covers. Pillow covers are meant to be interesting, by using your own dress which you have worn once or twice will give it character.
* Go for blue in the bedroom. Blue is calming and you can never go wrong with blue, even babies use them! It also creates the illusion of space so your room will look bigger.

Senior Empowerment: Reclaiming Our Lives

santos — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 07:35:47 +0000

Just because we’ve been a parent for too long doesn’t mean we don’t have a right to our lives, do we? I see parenting as constantly sharing your life with your family – your kids and your partner; as long as they are there and you’re here, the cycle of parental sharing and giving never really ends.
But what kind of parent can resist her kids? I personally would choose saving my kids than my partner if it ever comes to that. Those kids are my flesh and blood, I raised them with same flesh and blood, who could blame me then? However, I must admit that from the moment I gave birth to my firstborn, I have always felt that my life could never be entirely mine again.
A friend once told me to loosen up since she heard me ranting 2 hours nonstop about how lousy the job my daughter got considering her educational background. She told me that once my kids hit 20, I should let them fly on their own, with or without wings. Moreover, she pointed out that the more I show my kids how worried I am about their lives, the more they will feel insecure – something that I certainly did not teach my kids of!
Fast forward 10 years and I found myself still fussing about my kids’ lives: their careers, their partners, their kids, etc., anything that a mother can think of but of course, I learned to keep the bad bits to myself as I know it will only cause trouble between me and my kids but I must admit, there were times that I silently blame myself for not backing off. Like the time my daughter decided to go missing for months leaving me her 5 and 2 year olds; one moment I was nagging her about getting a job and putting her act together and that her kids are growing without a really good role model next thing I knew, there were kids knocking at my door begging to be let in. Fortunately, family and friends helped me get through those months caring for my grandkids. This should be a wake up call for me to finally reclaim my life and get on with it but apparently it was not, until I found myself living with my two adult kids. Again. At the same time.
It was hard, not knowing what our roles are and what am I supposed to be since evidently they are not kids anymore whom I can boss around and I am a really grown up woman living my own life – well, semi-own, if there’s such. Somehow I felt I’ve failed in raising them as things got frustrating for all of us during those months. There’s also guilt that I might have been unsupportive during their hard times.
One night, I sat them both down and laid down my cards. I told them I couldn’t do it anymore and it’s not really healthy for all of us to be sharing a roof when we all have our own lives to attend to. There should be limitations and they should respect it even if I don’t dare tell them at the moment. It is for them to observe.
While my kids are not the easiest to handle, I guess they love me that much enough to understand what I’m trying to say. They took my decision with love and respect and I must say, that was the only time they really started to grow as a person.

Helping Your Grandkids Build Their Self-Esteem

santos — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 07:35:45 +0000

Somehow, it always ends up in grandparents’ intervention when it comes to their grandkids’ self-esteem. I positively agree that it is important for the grandparents to play an active role in their grandkids’ lives especially during formative years.

Grandparents are the only ones who can act as the “in-between”, an effective neutralizer in a potentially destructive fight between a mom and her kids. Grandparents are considered as the responsible adult but more pliable than the parents themselves. Someone a parent can trust with the kids and a confidant to the kids, that’s what grandparents are.

As grandparents, self esteem is one of the characteristics you can help your grandkids build. Having healthy levels of self esteem in oneself is a big factor in achieving happiness and success later in life. It encourages positivity and confidence – two things that are essential in an adult’s life.

A kid with self esteem problem is usually irritable and having problems interacting with other kids. They feel unloved and unwanted all the time hence they struggle emotionally and are having a hard time processing their feelings. They refuse to try new things as they fear they won’t be able to handle it or are afraid that they will only end up messing it. Negative feelings toward themselves are also common among kids with poor self-esteem. If you spot these things with your own grandchildren then it’s time to intervene and help them get through this phase.

It is important to note that it takes only one, believing person to make a difference when it comes to self esteem. Knowing that there’s someone who believes in the child’s worth as a person will help him prove that he is not worthless afterall. Your love and support as the grandparent can counter any ill effects of bullying – one of the leading causes of low self esteem. If possible, try to determine what exactly the problem is however, don’t expect your grandchild to tell you immediately since kids with low self esteem don’t usually talk about the problem or may even be a little confused over the matter. Bullying can be from school, neighborhood and even from home. Investigate as quietly as you can just so not to make matters worse.

Kids remember positive statements, whether or not directed at them so make sure you make as many as you can and try to avoid negative comments and feedbacks to help build self esteem. Encourage your grandkids to see positive things even when faced with the harsh truth, words of encouragement will help a lot in building a trusting relationship. Take time to praise and point out positive characteristics of your grandkids and give positive affirmations whenever you can. If you need to criticize, make sure that they understand that you are pointing out their actions and not the person. This way, they won’t take it personally.

Surviving Divorce at 60

santos — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 16:57:41 +0000

Trends show that there has been a significant rise on senior divorces for the last 2 years and it is steadily growing overtime. Although this is not a cause for alarm, and indeed it is quite liberating for senior groups, I find myself a little saddened about this news for I know how difficult it is to cope with life after divorce as well as how important it is for a senior to have a partner to spend their golden days with.

10-15 years back, divorce at 60 is next to impossible. You don’t divorce at 60 back then, you just have to ride the waves and if the relationship turns sour, you just pray that your partner just drop dead. Divorce would be the farthest thing from your mind, now it is the next thing to come in mind as soon as you hit the aisle – some may even be thinking of divorce even before getting hitched!

Personally, I think there will be no good thing to ever come out of divorce. It is painful. Sometimes traumatic, not to mention can be really expensive. Personal advice is, if you are not sure of your partner then don’t get married at all. I’ve heard couples opting to live together and trying the relationship for years before finally getting married. This way, they will be able to “test” their compatibility when sharing a home and just call it quits if it won’t work. Unfortunately, this was not the practice during our time. Back then it was “have boyfriend, will marry” hence the number of senior couples hanging on just because our roots say so. This also makes it doubly difficult for seniors to cope with divorce. Below are some things you can do to survive divorce at 60:

* Strength is your bestfriend. In order to feel strong, you need to make your mind, body and soul stronger. Divorce is indeed draining but that doesn’t mean you have to let yourself be drained by what has been happening around you. Strengthen your body by exercising, your mind by meditation and soul by renewing faith.
* Seek closure. One of the most painful parts of a divorce is not knowing when to move on. And sometimes, even if you would want to leave everything behind you and start anew, divorce has this power to pull you back and make you suffer a little longer. At 60, you cannot afford dwelling on problems of the past as every single day is important. Do what you need to do now and move on.
* Reinvent yourself. Nothing screams new life than reinventing yourself. It will also make you feel in control and you have the freedom to do whatever you want.

Fire Safety Tips for Seniors

santos — Mon, 30 May 2011 05:45:47 +0000

When we talk about summer, it automatically connotes hot weather and well, fires. If there’s one thing I fear, it’s fires, whether it is a natural occurrence or a product of human ignorance. Just the same, if you are a senior with very limited range of motion, you would want to avoid fires as much as possible too.
Seniors and children are at highest risk when it comes to fires and are most likely to die in an event of housefire according to National Fire Association. They blame it to mobility and bad decisions made during fires. I say most of the time it is the lack of education on what to do when there’s a fire or how to avoid it altogether. Below are some safety tips for seniors and caregivers alike:
•    Have a fire emergency plan. Remember all those fire drills during your school years? They were designed to be practiced every now and then just to refresh students’ memories and hone their instincts on how to react and where to run when the school is on fire. Your own fire emergency plan should be the same since knowing exactly what to do lessen the confusion and mistakes made if and when a fire happens.
•    Install smoke detectors and fire alarms, if you haven’t yet. Replace batteries when needed and clean if necessary, according to manufacturers’ recommendation of course. If you suspect that your system is malfunctioning, have someone take a look at it or better yet, call the manufacturer and report your observations.
•    Clear your fire exit. Pinpoint exactly where you plan to escape or your exit point/s. As soon as you are certain this is a good exit point, clear the way out by removing all the clutter that might hinder your way to the fire exit.
•    Move your room to the ground floor. You are safer if you are on the ground floor of your home since you won’t be needing the stairs anymore to get to the exit point. Better yet, choose a room that is nearest to your exit point. This way, even if you are roused by the fire, you can get out easily and promptly.
•    Ask to be inspected. Your local fire department can take requests for home inspection. This way, you will be able to get valuable tips on how to improve your home for fire safety and if your fire safety plan is adequate.
•    Quit smoking. Careless smoking was found out to be the leading cause of house fires and unfortunately, death. If you care enough for your life and the others who live inside your house, quit now.

Flood Preparedness for Seniors

santos — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 10:07:54 +0000

I just got off the phone with my friend from Australia. Sadly, some parts of Australia are still submerged in water and worse, some families are not even prepared for the flood, some didn’t even see it coming. Lucky are we whose hands of Mother Nature didn’t reach but one can’t help but think: for how long?

It has always been my personal vow to look after my fellow seniors, be able to help them as much as I can and even if that means sharing personal thoughts and experiences through blogs and organizations. Floods don’t just interrupt our lives or cause some minor discomfort, it can actually kill. Young and old, we all have to be prepared for floods as much as we prepare for other emergency situations. Below are some things you can do before, during and after a flood to somehow minimize damage.

BEFORE THE FLOOD:

•    Know your area. If you are a local, you won’t have any problem expecting a flood however, if you are new to the area, it will help you tremendously if you start asking questions about it with your local authorities. Perhaps you can start with your broker or join online forums. Ask for flood maps as they are usually available to the public.
•    Know the plan. Those areas where flood is as common as the sun, they usually have their own flood control plan. It is best for you to know about it and be aware when it is necessary for you to evacuate your place.
•    Have an emergency kit ready. You now see how important emergency kits are? For a senior, you should pack your medications along with other important things you’ll need. Flood proof your important documents as well.

DURING THE FLOOD:

•    Have someone move your things to a higher place however if you find yourself alone and in the middle of the flood, better leave your things and move yourself to a higher place as the water may rise anytime without a warning.
•    Electrical things should be moved as they are hazardous when submerged in the water. Remove light fixtures when you can.
•    Tie buoyant things so they won’t be carried away by the water.
•    Evacuate when needed. Your local authorities are most likely to tell your area if it is necessary to move or you can do it voluntarily.
•    Never drive nor swim when there is a flood. It won’t do you any good. Once the water starts rising your only option is to grab your emergency kit and run to the highest point of your house.

AFTER THE FLOOD:

•    Your house is safe once the water is within floor area, just the same, you need to wear rubber boots at all times.
•    Check with your electrical, gas and water companies if there are precautions you need to observe.
•    Assume that the water supply is contaminated so don’t drink straight from the faucet.
•    Examine your insurance coverage and file claims as soon as you can. Take pictures of your damaged articles so you’ll have proof.
•    Have someone help you clean your home. Expect it to be a get-down-and-dirty kind of work so you’ll definitely need help.

Is Your Home Winter-Ready?

santos — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 03:31:31 +0000

In just a few winks, temperature will drop and snowflakes will start to fall. Next thing you know, your home is six feet deep under that snow and your roof is practically falling down. Certainly your home will need extra care during the winter season and what better way to start the festivities than knowing you got everything covered even before the worst of the season strikes?

•    Check your winter tools. Seniors get by with the help of their trusty tools, however, it is easy to overlook these things on sunny days especially if they are hidden at the very back of the shed. Check and see if they are still in working order or if they are already due for a maintenance check.
•    Replenish your winter supplies. This includes ice melters, batteries and what-have-you’s. While you’re at it, check your flashlights if they are still working and your battery-operated radios.
•    Clear your lawn. Harsh weather can, without a doubt, harm your lawn. It is best that you prepare your lawn to what you anticipate will happen. Trim your trees so it won’t bring some more damage to your house or your neighbor’s.
•    Clean your gutters and downspouts. Or you can have someone do it for you, if this is a risky task for you to take. This will eliminate the problem of dirt and debris clogging your pipes causing the water to rise.
•    Check your home’s interior. Make sure your house is free from any cracks and leaks that can pose more danger come winter. Have a handyman check your home for you if your house have never had any for a long time. However, at this point, full renovation is not an option.
•    Get your emergency kits ready. Winter season is such an unpredictable season. You can be enjoying a quiet day sipping hot cocoa, only to be dashing out the door later tonight for an emergency evacuation. Make sure that you place your emergency kit where it is convenient for you in case of a “grab and go” situation.
•    Have your car winter ready. Get your tires changed and your batteries checked. Better yet, drive over to the nearest auto shop and have your car professionally checked. Your car may not be a part of your home but in case of an emergency and you need to run, your car is the most logical thing to bring with you.
•    Avoid pipe freezes. Drain hoses and AC pipes or just clear off any remaining water in it. Make sure you know where your shut off valves are located in case you need to turn them off.

Rainy Day Driving Tips for Seniors

santos — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 13:03:47 +0000

Driving on a fairly good weather condition is hard enough for seniors considering their impaired visibility—and sometimes, hearing problems too—and limited range of motion but driving on a rainy day proves to be the biggest challenge of all for aging adults like me. However, we are not going to hang those keys yet and give up; here are some handy tips for seniors who are up for the challenge:

•    Stay calm and practice conscious driving. When I say conscious driving, it means you have to keep your wits about you and not get distracted with the rain or even that swerving car right in front of yours with a drunk driver in tow.
•    Have your car rain-ready! It won’t hurt you a bit if you visit an auto shop today and have your car inspected for road-worthiness, particularly that of a rainy day! Have your tires and wipers checked and install new ones if necessary.
•    Avoid unnecessary road accidents by allowing more travel time than needed. You don’t need that nerve wracking driving moves just because you ran short of time. Also, when driving under the rain, expect to drive in a much slower pace.
•    There are tires designed specifically to withstand slippery roads. They may bring forth another car bill but it will surely save you a lot—even your life—in the long run. Do invest on them.
•    Use your lights. It’s okay to turn them on if you feel you are having a hard time seeing other cars running in front, back and beside of you or even those coming your way and even if it’s not yet raining. AARP suggests that you turn them on whenever you use your wipers.
•    Allow ample space between cars. When roads are this slippery, you would want to maintain a healthy space between your car and the one in front of you, just in case either one of you slips. Be especially aware of other nearby cars too.
•    If it gets too hard to drive, then stop at a safe spot and wait it out. You know that it can’t rain forever right? Instead of gambling with the unknown, try considering your safety first.
•    Never cross a pool of water or drive through one as you don’t know what it is hiding. If you couldn’t help it and you made it safely across, dry your brakes by tapping it.
•    As much as possible, avoid using your brakes, instead maintain a good speed mainly by your accelerator. Do note that even if the word accelerator connotes the word “speed up”, that’s not its only use.