Seniors Site

We often hear about caregivers abusing seniors but we seldom hear about caregivers getting abused by their ward. Unfortunately, it happens– to a point that no one ever acknowledges it nor believes their tales.
Patterns of abused caregivers are fairly the same. They end up feeling they are the only ones who can do the job—better than anyone else in the world. They will reject any kind of help even from people closest to them and unconsciously build walls to isolate themselves—playing hero all along and never detecting anything wrong with the current setup. Lucky are those who have seniors recognizing their efforts and thanking them endlessly but what about those with wards who are not taking everything too well and have decided to retaliate by making their caregiver’s life so miserable? Seniors who are not quite ready to be served, cared for and assisted are usually the ones who abuse their caregivers verbally and emotionally. A caregiver experiencing such abuse, no doubt, feels trapped and obligated to take everything in, even if they don’t have to.
An abused caregiver must have recognized the signs of abuse early on which tend to progress as days pass, unfortunately, a large part of them are held by guilt, pity and strong sense of commitment for their seniors so they just hold on, trying to understand the patient’s feelings and situation. On the other hand, it is common for sole caregivers to feel that certain level of power over the current situation, a power which boosts one’s self-esteem when in reality it’s only a make-believe sense of fulfillment, something that their mind creates to get them through this very hard phase in their lives.
Anger is very common to an ailing senior with caregivers who are healthy and able, especially if it’s their partners. Problem is, they will never hesitate in making their grievances felt and known by their caregivers, even attacking them in front of other people. It is also typical of them to not care at all particularly if the illness or disease seems too sudden for them to accept. By the time they feel they are losing control of their body, they will try to establish control over other things—their caregivers included.
If you are a caregiver and now feeling that you are somehow stuck in this kind of situation, do know that you have a choice and this is something that you don’t have to do alone. No one expects you to, anyway. It neither makes you a hero nor a saint, you are only compromising your health in doing such a thankless job. A caregiving job should be a gratifying one, yes there will be stress and problems along the way but at the end of the day, you should still be able to thank God you’re able to do your job well.

In many occasions, moving is beyond senior’s control. They will be moved no matter how they feel about it. In reality, no one can ever tell what could take place during a move especially if a senior is involved. It can be emotional and worrisome which can be understood considering that most of them prefer not to be moved at all. Unfortunately, moving can be a necessity for seniors due to many varying reasons, particularly health.
When seniors move, it can be moving in his or her kid’s home or moving to a smaller place since their current home is too much of a hassle to manage for an aging body. It can also be moving to happier retirement communities where life would be so much easier. Sadly, a number of moving seniors are destined to live in assisted or nursing homes. The latter group is usually the saddest among the bunch–and the hardest to move! If your senior has been living in his or her current home for many years, allow more time to adjust.
On the other hand, it is imperative for the responsible party to consider these factors when moving a senior. If you are the one in charge of convincing the senior to move, please always remember that moving is a process and it should never be rushed. Bear in mind that for seniors, moving signifies unwelcome change, never a new leash in life.  With that said, your first step is to assure the senior that everything will be alright and their priceless possessions will not get violated in any way. Assurance indeed goes a long way!
Moving a senior takes more time than a regular moving act. Also, you need to walk them through the process as they will need help and lots of encouragement. Expect tasks to be accomplished slower than usual. Moreover, caregivers need to be patient at all times. Another thing to consider is the moving budget. Of course, when you move, you need to pay for it, and it can really be expensive especially if you are moving a lot of stuff which seniors tend to do under such condition. NEVER force a senior to sell their belongings or else you blow up your chance of ever moving the senior. If you need to move your senior, you just have to do it under their terms.
Getting your senior involved in each and every step is a must. They must, somehow, feel they are in charge and you are only helping them with the move, nothing more. However, you must always be one step ahead by making sure that important documents are not left out such as medical records, insurances and others.

It may be a little late for this but I need to write it down now rather than wait for the next holiday to come. Of course, due to my very busy schedule, I tend to forget good and useful materials to write and would only remember them out of the blue later on. I know, the little signs of dementia, you would say.
So this is it. My tips to caregivers worldwide for avoiding holiday stress which normally occurs during the month of December, since that month, particularly, has the longest and festive weeks in it. It can also occur during summers when everyone is in vacation mode and you helplessly look from the sidelines just because it might break the normalcy you and your senior have somehow managed to create.
It is just so tempting to turn a blind-eye everytime a potential holiday break is about to come. This is because, to a caregiver, going through a holiday means more work to do, more tasks to secure and most of all, an extra effort to an already humongous job. No matter how much you and your senior like to join the party, it isn’t that easy to do anymore.
One of the concerns, caregivers tend to worry about is the disruption of schedule. All caregivers will agree, caring for an aging parent or an ill spouse is no joke. It is more like walking on eggshells, or perhaps a walking time bomb? That’s how delicate a caregiver’s life truly is. Sadly, somehow holidays tend to give an added pressure to a caregivers life, threatening its hold so it is only understandable if a caregiver skip celebrations altogether and just choose to continue their routines without interference.
Regardless of your senior’s present condition, it is your and your senior’s right to be happy once in a while. And, you must! The idea is to make it easier for you to attend festivities by figuring out a way that will work for you and your senior. Would throwing your own house party be easier for you or would you rather transport your senior to the party venue so you won’t have to deal with the after-party mess? You can rely and discuss these concerns with the party organizer. Unless they really don’t want you and your senior there in the first place, they will surely make room for adjustments.
To avoid holiday stress from affecting you, never allow yourself to worry about mishaps. Just as long as you have your senior safe and secure, you don’t have to worry about things that may or may not come. Also, it will help if you can avoid emotional situations as it will surely affect everyone in the room, especially your senior. This should be a time for getting together and catching up with family and friends, this should be a happy event to begin with.
Know when to say “no”. It is not always that your senior—or even you—is in good shape, much less attend a party. It’s already a given fact that attending a party means advance and careful planning, without these things, it is not possible for you to even set a foot out the door. The party host will surely understand your situation if explained properly.

Then you are not alone in this battle as more and more older adults are facing the exact same problems you’re having right now!

One study was done within the medical community particularly to nurses and how they balance their work and family life. Although the study was primarily intended to determine the effects on a nurse’s life, what’s more stunning is the overwhelming number of nurses who clearly qualified for the study. Moreover, about half of this population belongs to our own age group—older adults.

What we need to know is that work-family conflict is not limited to the medical community alone. It exists anywhere else as long as there is a worker with a family to care for—even college kids who only have one parent supporting them. That’s what our society has become and sadly, there’s no other way around it.

Work-family conflict is stressful. Men were able to handle such conflicts better than women, maybe due to the fact that they have been balancing these two for such a long time that they no longer consider it a big deal—and partly because the pressure is not too strong for them just as long as they’re able to financially provide for the family’s needs. On the other hand, women, being the supposedly “primary caregiver”, are most of the time, forced to choose between work and family. Mind you, it’s not only once or twice a work-family conflict hits, it seems in this day and age, it hits almost everyday!

Just ask a person who belongs to the sandwich generation and they will know exactly what a work-family conflict is. They are neither too young to not care nor too old to be cared for so they are stuck in between, caring for a young child and an old parent. This serves as the “family” side of the conflict while the “work” side is the urgency of going to work every single day, mostly for financial reasons.

Alarmingly, work-family conflicts have health implications. One of them is depression. A person who constantly experiences work-family conflicts is bound to be depressed which some are known to end up in alcohol abuse. Others take refuge in binge eating leading to obesity—two of the most prevalent problems amongst seniors.

There are ways to lessen the impact of work-family conflicts, however, a decision still has to be made, one way or another. Making your work schedule a little more flexible is one way to go if your family obligations cannot be compromised but if your work cannot take adjustments then you will need help from other people. Accepting your limitations as a person will improve your current situation significantly. Bear in mind that as a person, you only have one body to do things. That being said, doing two tasks at exactly the same time is impossible. Delegate whenever you can and lower your self expectations. Also, seek counseling when needed.

It’s not easy to spot an abused senior. These cruel acts certainly don’t happen outside of home; it always occurs during private moments, when seniors are left alone with their abusers. I’ve come across several cases in which their loved-ones, the ones who truly care for them, are the last ones to know and often times, it’s a little too late for them to intervene as the damage has already been done.

One of the known factors which triggers such hatred and anger toward frail and defenseless seniors is frustration. When a person is blinded by frustrating tasks and seemingly endless chores, it’s really easy to divert fury to a senior who are incapable of defending himself, much less tell others of what the abuser did. Seniors seldom tell, they usually just take it all in, believing they really are a nuisance and the abuser has all the right in the world to do such inhuman acts when in truth, it’s their abusers who deserve to be punished and jailed!

What’s more amusing is that an abuser knows no color, intention or relation, contrary to popular notion that only hired help abuses seniors. They can be someone whom the seniors trust dearly, a relative, a partner, and even their own family. They just manifest without a warning. Also, they come in many forms. Do take note that an abuse has been made if there are verbal and physical attacks made to the senior in question. Also, the term also applies if someone is trying to transfer senior’s assets to their names, either by manipulation, threats or falsification of documents.

In general, taking advantage of a senior’s poor and helpless situation is automatically called or defined as an abuse. There are different types of elderly abuse:

•    Physical abuse. Easiest to spot. There will be, at the very least, bruises.
•    Emotional abuse. If an action causes a senior some emotional discomforts and the abuser is certainly benefiting from the situation, it’s automatically an abuse. It’s either yelling, threatening, hateful words, and blaming or the other way around such as ignoring a senior, even if he is in dire need.
•    Sexual abuse. Yes, it happens.
•    Fraud and scams to financially benefit from seniors.  Aside from the traditional transferring of funds, some cases were reported to be committed by health care providers themselves. Since seniors and their families trust and respect these people, it’s easy to get money from them for unnecessary services and referrals.

Most of the reported cases were from concerned neighbors, people who are quick to notice that something is not right. It’s very unlikely for seniors to report themselves in cases like these, it means, if we ignore silent pleas from them, the abuse will just go on and on. If you’re in doubt about a situation, or you refuse to acknowledge your suspicion, it’s best to talk separately to both the senior and caregiver to find out more about their situation. Sometimes, all they need is your help.

Sometimes, caring for an elderly adult tends to get tougher each day hence the need to hire for an in-home help. While the most preferred caregiver is still you or anyone within the senior’s close family circle, we all know how tough it could get juggling your life and caring for a frail, ailing senior especially if a progressive disease is present. Sending them to an assisted living facility can certainly help improve the situation for both the caregiver and the senior but the emotional effects of it are sometimes not worth the physical comfort it can give. Some even consider doing this as a last resort and not as a primary solution.

Since caregiving has become a prevalent problem to most households, support groups were formed to help and educate families and loved-ones of the best possible solution to your situation. One of the most encouraged solutions is hiring an in-house help, catering solely to the senior’s needs. This can be done even if the senior in question is not living with you as of the present time.

Some of the telltale signs that your senior might be needing an in-home help are:
•    If the senior requires constant supervision and assistance which you cannot provide.
•    If the senior can no longer fulfill his or her daily chores with ease.
•    His or her daily routine is no longer done.
•    Obviously, nutrition and personal hygiene have become things of no importance.
•    The senior has become nonresponsive therefore rendering him or her unable to care for themselves.

Your first step in hiring an in-home help is assessing the needs. In order to release an effective advertisement, you should have a clear outline of what the senior needs and how the job should be done. For you to do this, you should have a clear conversation with the senior and together, try to figure out what needs to be fulfilled. Remember that this is doubly stressful for the senior since he will be taken cared of a strange person 24/7. Getting used to someone who was brought rather forcefully  in your life is no fun, and this is something you should consider no matter how bad your senior’s situation might be. Ask the senior of his or her preferences to make it easier for them. In other words, try to get them involved when hiring a help.

As much as possible, try to get an in-house help that has training in health care such as nursing assistant or even a registered nurse if necessary. Give extra cookie points for those who can drive since most emergency situations call for drivers. More importantly, figure if this person can handle your senior well, both physically and emotionally. There are two ways to hire, one being through an agency and two by hiring the help personally. Both of which have their own pros and cons attached to them.

Equally important is a contract to be signed by you and the help. This should clearly put in details what’s expected of him or her and on what grounds the contract shall get terminated, if and when it deemed be.  Also included in the contract is referring parties whom you can talk to for background checks.

Take notice of the interaction between the senior and the help. Your senior should be comfortable having this person around so it doesn’t necessarily mean that what works for you would work for your senior as well. After the interview, try to get your senior’s opinion of the person and have them rate according to preference. This way you are sure that they like who you hire.

We’ve seen daughters and sons, and even spouses of concerned parties undergo certain life-changing adjustments just to cater to their elderly, ailing parents. Some are even known to go back and forth from their homes to their parents’ just to make sure everything is under control and their parents are getting enough care and attention. Others simply move their parents into their homes in order to care for the senior and still be there for their own families.  Most of the time, this kind of arrangement works especially if caring for the older adult becomes a family effort.

Unfortunately, there are those who simply couldn’t make it due to the distance they have found themselves in by the time they figured out their parents might be needing help. Sad, but indeed not uncommon, since one’s descendants are known to go great distances either by choice or by chance, usually not minding the distance they’re putting between their parents and themselves until it was too late.  I say, this is a kind of situation that usually signifies many great changes to come.

Changes need not be drastically done. Of course, guilt won’t be too far away upon learning about your parents’ current predicament. There will be a sudden urge to pack your bags and come home. But then again, –and especially if you are comfortably settled in your place—there are things to be considered like your job and your household.  If you find yourself in this situation, the best thing to do is assess the problem thoroughly. If you can manage a weeklong vacation, maybe it’s time to arrange for it and fly to your parents’ place to determine what needs to be done. If you can do this silently, the better. Never impose or argue, just consider you being away for so long to be a ground they could take against you. After all, this is still your parents house so give them due respect.

Never take anyone’s word regarding your parents’ state. Who would know them better than you? In order to take control of the situation, it is best to know the situation personally. Besides, everybody has their own perception of things and you wouldn’t know for sure what perception best fits your parents’ current state.  If this is not possible, seek help from a professional who knows what he is doing such as your family doctor who lives in your parents’ area or a social worker, if you happen to know one. Objective evaluation is the key to successfully determine your next step or solution.

Involvement is also important for you to be able to care for your aging parent even if miles apart. The thing is, it is possible to care for them even if you are not physically there. There are support teams and services which you can avail for them in the area. If assistance is needed, social groups can also help you. You just need to reach out and ask for help.

No matter what age or capacity your elderly is currently in, doing fun activities are highly encouraged by health care practitioners. This is done to make sure that the elderly senior receives a substantial amount of mind and body stimulation needed to ensure healthy and positive outlook in life. Some of the most successful assisted-living facilities for seniors provide daily activities for their residents to help them cope with what they are going through at the moment.

However, not all elderly seniors live in these facilities and a huge fraction of them prefer to be taken cared of at home. This practice, of course, is not closely supervised by experienced health care provider hence first-time caregivers can sometimes be lost with what should be given to their seniors. Here are some great activities you can introduce to your elderly senior to be able to comply with their mind-body stimulation needs:

·    Introduce new gadgets for them to try. If your senior is interested in photography, let him try digital cameras that are not too complicated to use. There are digital camera models which are called as “point and shoot”. They are designed for simple camera operations and usually they come in no more than the shoot button. Furthermore, a nice, compact photo printer will also amuse them, guaranteeing months of fixed fascination!
·    Memories are very important for elderly seniors. Introduce them to the wonderful world of scrapbooking. This also helps with the hand-eye coordination plus it encourages mental stimulation too.
·    Don’t forget to do some physical exercises too as it is known to somewhat delay the aging process. If your elderly senior is not capable of moving around, it is best to have him undergo therapy sessions on a regular basis.
·    Choose mental stimulating toys you can set up for seniors. Board games like chess and scrabble are great for passing time while bonding with them. On the other hand, frail seniors can also benefit from toddler toys designed to encourage hand-eye coordination.
·    Consider stimulating other senses. Sometimes, hand-eye coordination cannot be established anymore. What you can do instead is to make use of the remaining senses your senior may have. Music can also stimulate a frail senior’s mind. Audio books are also available for seniors who are no longer capable of reading texts but are still interested in hearing one.
·    Encourage family members to visit them once in a while especially those little ones. According to studies, babies and toddlers extend youth and vitality to seniors making them adapt these qualities while together. If this is not possible, pets will do.

Truly, senior health care must be one of the most sensitive issues a family is most likely to face at least once in their lifetime. Unfortunately, it should be done whether we like it or not. Mind you, convincing a senior to surrender himself to someone else’s care especially that of a senior health care facility is only half of the story as the real action only begins when you find yourself in face of the real challenge—the terms these facilities are most likely to use when dealing with your case.

Here are some common senior healthcare terms you are most likely to stumble upon during peptalks with their representatives. Expect it to be something of a cross between medical and legal terms, coupled with their own invented acronyms. It pays to familiarize yourself so that you don’t risk miscommunicating with the management before, during and after your case.

·    Advanced Medical Directives. It has three categories under its belt namely Living Will, Power of Attorney and Health Care Proxy. All these, more or less pertain to a written consent of the senior which designates or assigns another living person to make decisions in his behalf, if and when he’s unable to express his wishes anymore. This should be limited to medical concerns for the senior only.
·    Assignment. This is not your usual kid’s homework as the term adapts a whole new meaning when it comes to senior health care. When the doctor accepts assignment then you’re one lucky caregiver! It means that your kind doctor accepts Original Medicare Plan as a full payment saving you a lot of money.
·    Carrier. These are companies which should be paying your bills in behalf of Medicare.
·    Certificate of Creditable Coverage. A certificate which you need to secure from your health care insurance company which states the coverable period of time your senior is allowed according to the health plan you availed.
·    Custodial care. This is you, as the primary caregiver. These are services received by your senior which are not medical in nature such as bathing, eating and moving around. This is expected not to be covered by your insurance plan.
·    Election. A written decision that is legally binding once signed by the author.
·    IHSS or In Home Supportive Services. This is a financial aid given by the state to the senior/caregiver to help pay the bills for disabled senior who wishes to stay at home and receive care from there.
·    Preventive Services. These are preventive measures done to seniors to ensure that they stay healthy or at least won’t contract yet another health condition while under their care.
·    Risk Adjustment. Since your senior’s health status is bound to change either for better or for worse, expect to have certain adjustments in your payables.

For a more extensive list of common senior healthcare terms, visit LA County Community and Senior Services website.

A caregiver’s job is no joke and burnouts are never far when you engage in this kind of task. Unfortunately, caregiving is an obligation that usually leaves one with no choice but to do it and try their very best to somehow make it work.

First and foremost, it is important for caregivers to maintain their overall health at all times. Health is what you need in order to cope with everyday demands of the job. Health is what keeps your sanity intact. It is what you and your senior need to be able to make it through hard and trying times.

Although we commonly hear horror stories about caregiving, those who really went through one can say that it was not always horrible. It has its own rewards and friendships are forged. This is one good example of a relationship that is formed by sweat, tears and pure human nature.

As humans, we have our own limitations. Our beings can only do so much and pushing it over the edge is bound to give you undesirable results, one of which is irritability which is not a good trait to have when around seniors since they tend to be sensitive at times. Burnouts happen when, as a caregiver, we are drained and exhausted from all the work yet we wish not to seek help whatsoever from other people around us. It involves physical, emotional and spiritual states of one’s being and can affect the way we handle things tremendously.

Burnouts happen when you give in to that overwhelming feeling that comes when caring for an aging loved-one especially if they are terminally sick. One of telltale signs of a burnout is when you start feeling guilty when you give time for yourself. Another is when your senior’s concerns invade your thoughts 24/7 which leaves nothing for your own.

While taking good care of our senior should be a responsibility that is taken with great seriousness, it should not be our ultimate responsibility in life. we are also responsible for our own health and well-being. Once in while, you need to break free from this responsibility, if only to recharge and renew your senses. Keep frustration at bay by freeing yourself from any undue burden.

The best tool for stressful situations is education. Get yourself educated particularly to the issues concerning your senior like their illnesses and emergency plans. Support groups can provide you with the right information you need. They can also help you cope with the work you are doing right now. Find one within your area so you don’t have to go far when you need support.