Seniors Site

As much as we seniors would like to keep our kids nearby for the rest of our lives, doing so is quite impossible, not to mention inappropriate. As soon as they find a way, they fly away from home, some even as far away from home as possible. Our children’s dreams cannot be hindered by our wants and needs, in order to fulfill their own dreams, they needed to find their own way and hopefully, not forgetting their way back home.

However, expressing love and care for someone living far away from us is indeed difficult, especially if we were never given a chance to be with them in the first place. Considering these things, I would say that long-distance grandparenting is much more difficult than having a grownup child living miles away from you. The hardest must be connecting with your grandchild.

But, as grandparents, we should know that it is not impossible to connect with our grandkids, know us as a person and eventually make us part of their lives, if we only persist. Do take note though that, family counselors strongly suggest that grandparents should make the move while their grandkids are still young and no later than that since kids are more receptive and emotionally “open” to people than teens tend to be. Aside from that, a grandchild knowing you as a grandparent since childhood makes the bond much stronger and the communication lines more open.

Seniors who successfully maintained a good long distance grandkid-grandparent relationship recommend that you do the following:

•    Be there as much as possible. While it is quite impossible for you to be there for them physically, you should make the child feel comfortable enough to contact you when he or she feels like it or whenever needed.
•    Take advantage of what technology has to offer. There are many ways to make yourself available for your grandkids. Learning the ropes online will tremendously boost your chances of connecting to these younger ones. Try popular social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook especially if your grandkids are teens. You are most likely to find them there.
•    Staying in touch. You must remember that in a child’s world, everyday is a new adventure. Vanishing for a month or two means you missed a whole lot in your grandchild’s life and sadly, this would mean you have to start all over again.
•    Bonding time is still important. Even if you make it a point to call them every single day, nothing beats spending time with them physically. Invite them over during vacations or visit their place if you have time. Planning a trip with them can also make the two of you closer.

Grief is a natural, emotional response of a human although it may vary in intensity from one human to another. Usually, a person may experience grief if he or she loses a loved-one or mourning for the death of someone very close to their heart. In some instances, grief presents itself in unusual situations too, like when you are annoyed or frustrated. Like I said earlier, it just varies in intensity and grieving time—all depends on how you, as a person, handle grief.
However, in seniors, grief is an altogether different feeling or set of emotions. Usually, bereavement is only a catalyst—a breaking point—of each and every lose we have had in the past. Failed relationships, dreams unfulfilled, even your deteriorating health. Considering all these, grief is more powerful in seniors, more real, making it harder for seniors to deal with and for people around them to understand.
Grief has two sets of symptoms, one would be physical and the other, mental or emotional. Physical symptoms of grief in seniors are easier to detect since it can be seen and observed by the naked eye. You would know if a senior is suffering from grief if he or she demonstrates the following, except of course if there is an existing illness which can be held liable for these symptoms:
•    Weight loss
•    Loss of appetite
•    Fatigue
•    Chest pains
•    Abdominal pain
•    Headaches
•    Sleeping problems
•    Nausea
Emotional symptoms of grief in seniors, on the other hand, are:
•    Anxiety
•    Sense of guilt
•    Anger
•    Absent-mindedness
•    Overwhelming sadness
Seniors and caregivers should take note that the best remedy for grief is to give it some time. Accepting it and learning how to deal with it would be the best thing to do while waiting for time to do its job. Generally, grief has stages, although you may find yourself going back and forth stages. Don’t let it scare you though, it doesn’t mean you are not moving forward or not making any progress at all. Just as long as you recognize grief, you are doing just fine. These stages are:
•    Denial
•    Anger
•    Bargaining
•    Depression
•    Acceptance
It is important that you go through each stage. At some point in time, you may find yourself too close to accepting the loss, only to realize that you are really bargaining for something impossible. Dealing with a loss can be hard, especially if the sufferer is resistant to any form of help. Don’t get offended if a grieving friend refuses your help, the more they refuse it, the more they need it, only they are not ready for it. If you find yourself in a situation like this, just stay within an arm’s length, respecting the grieving senior’s privacy but never really too far away if he or she needs help.

Much to my dismay, handling finances is not as easy as it once was, especially now that there are many factors we need to consider such as income versus expenditure. Then there’s the issue of credit score which you need to really be careful about. Once, I found my 30-ish daughter sitting on the floor with papers scattered around her, laptop glowing with such fierceness and two half empty coffee cups on each side. You would think she’s just there engrossed with work since she’s a writer by profession, however, she was not. It was just that time of the month when finances should be balanced or else, your accountant will haunt you like a ghost of Christmas past all throughout your waking hours!
Then there’s my elderly neighbor which I caught one, fine day handing over her checkbook to her gardener. She and I, we’re very close so I ran to her doorstep at once and asked if she’s having trouble over something or what, since the gardener in question was then fairly new. She said she’s having trouble writing checks so I just volunteered to do it and apologized to the gardener just so not to offend him.  After that, we had a little chat and she confided that making checks confuses her so she ended up making the “other” person write the check for her and she would just read it after. I told her that it is not very ideal and not to mention, not safe, for her to do that. I also advised her to seek help from her trusted family member at once.
These two situations may vary but I tell you, there’s a similarity here. They both need help, whether they accept it or not. Here are some tips on how to get your finances in order:
·    Choose a trusted helper. This must be the hardest part of all but the most important one to make. Your best bet would be one of your children since your hard-earned money will all go to them eventually. However, you must pick the one who is able to manage his or her finances well. No need to burden a child with managing disabilities with your own troubles right? If no adequate child is present, choose a relative, friend or even your personal lawyer.
·    Talk it out, with that person of course! After choosing the best person to help you out with your finances, have a heart-to-heart talk with that person and express your concerns about this transition. Know your help’s limitations, if they have any. Also, it’s okay to start slow by designating them little tasks at first, if it makes you comfortable.
·    Be as transparent as you can with your help. They should know your financial standing so they can help you make decisions from that point on. This should include bills to pay, insurances you have, credit score, taxes, wills, and just about anything that will affect your financial standing.
·    Trust is the word. You don’t go babbling about your finances with someone you barely trust and it would be as equally hard to work your finances out with someone if you don’t know how to trust a person.
·    If the thought of having someone control your finances, you can have him or her work with your personal lawyer. This way you are guaranteed with extra security and indeed, peace of mind.

We seniors spend a lot of time saving for our retirement and hopefully be able to leave a “handsome-enough” amount for our beloved ones to share when we are gone. Unfortunately, naming your beneficiaries might be the most overlooked part of your estate planning as we usually tend to forget assessing who gets what and what goes to whom.
Naming your beneficiaries is more than just appointing the “lucky one”. In fact, appointing the wrong person or people is more like risking your after life plans—plans not being carried out at all, or as planned. Remember, this will be a time when you can no longer have a say on what’s going on so might as well plan everything well while you still can.
The first step to a perfect beneficiary appointment starts with the senior assessing his or her choices of beneficiaries—and by beneficiaries, I mean, more than one, just in case your first choice encountered a problem. Here are the things you need to consider when choosing the best beneficiary for your insurance policies, pension plans and IRAs:
·    List down family members you would like to leave your estate to, if and when something happens to you. Be particularly aware of their age as it is very important. A minor will need a trustee or guardian before benefits are transferred to them.
·    The beneficiary’s capability of managing assets. Like mentioned above, a minor cannot be trusted fully with your assets so they need a trustee. In some cases, even a full grown adult is not capable of handling assets. A senior can determine this by gauging the way the beneficiary handles his own personal finances.
·    Inspect your plans and coverage. Sometimes, the company automatically appoints the nearest living relative or survivor as your primary beneficiary even if you prefer other appointee.
·    Keep a list of contingent beneficiaries. This list will serve as a reference if something happens to your primary beneficiary and he or she won’t be able to fill the spot. Just make sure this list comes attached with your will.
Your best bet when naming a beneficiary would be your spouse. This allows smoother, almost hassle-free transfer of benefits. Of course, second in line is your child, or children—if you have many. However, you need to update your plans and coverage once in a while, most especially after a divorce or remarrying another person as there will be conflict on your documents. Always consult your lawyer when making a decision, especially on matters like this. This way, your lawyer will be able to advise you on how to go through it legally.

I’m not really certain if it’s my forgetful nature that compelled me to keep a notebook in the first place but what I do know is that one has to be within reach AT ALL TIMES! According to my estimate, I am using 3-4 small notepads in a year, tucked neatly inside my handbag when I go out and right in front of me when I’m working. For me, a “doodle notebook” keeps me insane and it’s almost close to being a necessity. Without it, I’m really lost as to what I should do next or where I should be at a certain minute. Even with the advent of technology, where notepads are built right inside the computer and can easily be accessed at any time, I still need my doodle pad. There’s just something about it that puts my otherwise chaotic life in some semblance of organization. My doodle notebook, which for this post should be called as a journal, acts as my personal secretary and sometimes a calming force when things get tough. While environmentalists may disapprove of my doodling habit as I know they go for saving these ideas and thoughts in a computer instead, I assure them I make use of every inch of my journal and nothing goes to waste, not even a single inch!
A journal is a written record of your daily activities, best done before retiring for the night. It includes your thoughts as well as the emotions you felt during the day. For me, it’s more than that. My small journal includes the activities I am supposed to do the next day, the day after that and even the next month. I consult it every morning to see what needs to be done first and be able to organize my day. I jot down reminders there and assess notes at the end of the day. In other words, my journal knows it all, if only someone, aside from me of course, can decipher it! So here are my top reasons why keeping a journal is beneficial:
·    It clarifies the mind. There is something about writing down your thoughts. It just puts everything in clearer perspective.
·    Simplifies life. The mind can only take so much. At some point during the day, it will just shut down and won’t absorb anything anymore. When this happens, life would seem so complicated even if it really is not.
·    It’s a form of meditation. When you keep a journal, you are encouraged to always seek within yourself and in the process, get to know yourself better.
·    It allows wider perception of things. As you assess your feelings alone, you are allowing yourself to see a situation from different angles therefore understanding it in a different way.
·    A work diary can help you be more efficient in handling a project or job while a food journal can keep you right in track and not fall into temptation.

Is the word “cougar” new to you? Or are you still referring to the slender and agile cats roaming our mountains, always on the look out for a prey, gullible enough to fall into a cougar’s trap? Well, you must be living under a rock for quite sometime now since cougar dating must be the hottest, most liberating hype that hit the senior women’s generation!
The idea of “Older-women-dating-younger-studs” has been around for what seems like ages but apparently, the practice has reached greater heights with cougar dating. The name itself gave it a fiery spice, enough to encourage older women who are really into dating younger men to finally come out and not to be ashamed of their preferences anymore. Gone are the days when an older woman would think twice or even a hundred times before even entertaining romantic thoughts with a younger guy. With strings of successful “cougar” relationships to boast of, older women are now more confident and assured when it comes to their relationships.
For me, what really boosts cougar dating is the fact that most senior women have learned how to take care of themselves thus enabling them to age gracefully. Along with cosmetic advancements available for us to take advantage of, healthy lifestyle proves to be one of the most effective ways to look and feel younger than your age. Aside from that, older women have realized that once they reached a certain age, it should also be right time for them to start thinking about themselves and nothing else. Along with these realizations is recognizing the complexity of starting a new relationship with guys their age particularly the excess baggage they tend to bring along into the relationship. Younger guys, as we all know, don’t have these things. When they come into a relationship, they usually come alone, which is just perfect!
There are many factors why older women may fall for someone half their age. Most of the time, it’s the spontaneity the relationship brings. Somehow an older woman may feel the need to experience living the fast lane again and this, she can never get from an older guy who requires too much attention and care. Some consider it as their last hurrah in life. Others swear that it gives them vigor—a new leash in life—to break their monotonous, boring life.
Adding to these factors is the attraction it brings. For reasons unknown, younger guys may find themselves attracted to older women at some point of their lives, usually their “exploration” age when they have the highest respect for older women and would seek their wisdom and knowledge on how life works. On the other hand, older women may find themselves craving for something they have always wanted—a relationship with not much attached to it. Combine these two and you have the perfect recipe for a cougar relationship.

This amuses me, as I am guilty as charged! Sometimes I use my apparent forgetfulness as an excuse when it’s really a case of procrastination and I must admit, most of whom I have caused trouble due to my love for excessive procrastinating did accept my excuse without an iota of doubt. Of course, at the back of my mind, I feel guilt and sometimes the nagging feeling to cram and still finish my tasks—which are now seriously delayed—as, sort of, damage control.
I would say, with years of experience and expertise, me and almost half of the senior population—okay maybe even more—are indeed masters of procrastination. Honed by practice, we developed this uncanny ability to procrastinate without detection. Due to this, seldom do you find someone accusing us of procrastinating, only a nod of soulful understanding with a little bit of pity thrown to this potentially Alzheimer’s disease-laden senior. These were the times when I didn’t really know whether to laugh, snicker or feel bad about it. Of course, who would want to be suspected of such terrible disease? Unfortunately, drastic times call for drastic measures.
Procrastination in seniors is way more than just simple laziness. Sometimes we procrastinate to convince ourselves that we still have that much time on our hands. We would like to believe that delaying things will make bad, bitter things go away. That, I find true when I need to submit myself to an annual medical checkups. As well as, when I need to put together an emergency kit in case a fire/natural calamity/disaster strikes. No matter how important they are, seniors try to put these tasks further back in their “to-do” list.
Speaking of lists, I find that when I write down all the things I need to do today or tomorrow or even the day after that, I stand reminded of the things I should be doing in a somewhat chronological order. To further enhance my organizational skills, I number each task according to priority. This way, if and when procrastination attacks, I can just reschedule for the next day and just do those things that are needed to be done today. I know, I am a chronic procrastinator and there’s nothing I can do about it! In some rare days when I feel I can do so much, I try to do non-priority things in advance.
Expert says that procrastination can lead to stress and when you undergo stress management sessions, procrastination is one of those things that they will teach you to avoid. To some extent, I must admit, yes, but when you reach a certain age when no one is expecting you to move faster, procrastination becomes as normal as your sagging belly.

Even in your golden years, your credit score still stands as one of the most important factors in one’s life. You will need a good credit score if you are planning to get a mortgage or perhaps a new car and, of course, loans—which tends to be a “jack-in-the-box” kind of thing in a senior’s life. Yes, obviously your credit score needs to be protected and nurtured as long as you live!
And indeed you have every responsibility to do so, unless you want to spite your stubborn son or daughter and give them a major headache in figuring out your debts! Aside from that, you need to maintain a good credit score if you are currently single in status and now looking forward to marrying again. This, you also have to check with your potential partner prior to marriage since it can seriously affect yours once married.
Alarmingly, according to a study conducted by AARP, the senior citizen group is the fastest growing in terms of credit debt. That alone shows how seniors are faring amidst the economic crisis and clearly, it’s not good. But, if you have been a good boy or girl and vigilantly keeping an eye on your debts and credits, chances are, you are now enjoying its benefits. One of the advantages of having a good credit score is of course, hassle-free loan eligibility which means you don’t have to wait too long for it and no need to forward 101 documents to have it granted. Also, keeping a good credit score means you will be able to enjoy lower interest rates as well as compared to those who are not too careful of their debts. These things should be reason enough for seniors like us to maintain a high credit score so that when the time comes that we need a loan, it won’t cost us heaven and hell to get that kind of money!
Contrary to public notion, your credit score does not depend on you being debt-free all your life. In fact, if you don’t own a credit card, now or even then, chances are, you don’t have any credit record in any agency. No credit history means no credit score for you sir, hence nothing to look at in case you apply for a loan. Chances are, your application will get rejected by the lender. Also, if you were a plain housewife and your husband did all the transactions in the past, don’t expect the authorities to be keeping track of your “neighborhood store” debts. In other words, these loans and debts need to be legal, binding and a pack made with authorities, something that can put you behind bars if you don’t pay up!
The easiest, most convenient way to improve your credit score is by using your credit card at least twice a month. This way, your name will be charged with a small enough amount that you can pay right on its due date. Just make sure you make the payments right on time or else, it will lower your credit score. As much as possible, stay within 25% of your maximum limit and keep old credit card accounts with you as it will prove you pay well. Small loans are also okay, just to keep everything running. Consider these things as an investment, even if you don’t really need them now.

If there’s one group of people who gets classified in two contradicting characteristics, it must be the seniors’ group. Why? It is because we’re believed to be wise due to the countless life experiences we were able to gather through the years and yet, midlifers—particularly our kids–see us as gullible human beings. How on earth can a person be wise and gullible at the same time? Well apparently, or so others believe, seniors can be both.
I say, getting manipulated is not at all age-related, nor a phenomena that occurs only during the so-called golden age. Anyone can fall into someone else’s manipulative scheme if they are not too careful or they tend to easily trust what other people say. Aside from that, let’s consider the fact that most con artists pick on seniors as their prey just because these seniors are either too lonely and in obvious need of a companion or they have an amazing amount of money stashed somewhere—in some cases, both.
Sadly, there are other forms of manipulation which are not intended to snatch your pot of gold but rob your self respect. You may or may not recognize it at once but most of the time, you feel bad and really frustrated since it sort of “locked” you in a situation less desired. Manipulation occurs when someone have it their way and never bothering about you. It can be a boss who refuses to hear your opinions, instead, adamantly insists on doing things to his liking, or it can be a friend who always calls during ungodly hours just to have a chat with you, mostly to tell you her latest adventures.
What seniors should know is that, master manipulators actually size up their potential prey prior to moving in for the kill. In other words, they try to gauge the opposite person if they can be manipulated or not. With that said, you should be conscious enough of your actions and try to create an impression that you are not the type they are looking for. Here are the usual warning flags that you should avoid:
·    Being passive. You just let everything pass you by, even if they are annoying. You don’t acknowledge your true feelings just because you hate confrontations and are afraid that someone might get hurt.
·    Allowing others to control your life. You just go with the flow. You let someone else move you to places. You never decide for yourself.
·    Afraid of your own opinions. You get all nervous just by the thought of opening your mouth and having your say on important issues.
·    Fickle-minded. When you jump from one decision to another and then back again even without strong and apparent reason, it expresses your inability to make strong judgment.
·    Approval seeker. One strong sign of insecurity.
·    Not valuing one’s self. If you love yourself, you know that there are some people who are just not worth your time and effort.