Dealing With People Who Have a Handicap

In 1924, when I was 5 years old, I contracted a disease known as poliomyelitis or infantile paralysis. The hospitals in that day would not accept a contagious disease while the fever raged. The only place that my father could find in the town was some rabbit hutches that he rebuilt. There we fought for my life.

When the fever abated I was sent to Children's Orthopedic Hospital in Spokane, Washington. For 7 years, off and on, I had treatment at this place. The hospital was a dumping ground for all types of crippled children: mentally retarded, including Down's synmentally ill, including those with childhood schizophrenia and autism; emotionally disturbed, including those who were hyperactive and suffering from psychological trauma; brain damaged; and all forms of physical deformity. The only ones they didn't accept were those who had a contagious disease.

When I was 13 years old I got out of the hospital and went to high school as a freshman in Pasco, Washington. I wore braces on both legs and was moderately impaired in both arms. I have lived my life in a paraplegic condition, and now have additional limitations due to a postpolio condition.

I earned my Ph.D. from U.C.L.A., specializing in Special Education and Psychology. I could be considered an expert in the field of people with a handicap--both from education and personal experience. My suggestions for coping with these people have grown out of my own involvement, my education, my religion, and my knowledge of life.

Don't use demeaning terminology in dealing with those who have a handicap.
The word "handicapped" is today's buzzword to label those who have a physical disability. The word came from the Old English "cap in hand," as referring to the beggars and disabled who would sit on the city streets and beg with their cap in hand. Some people think that calling a person "handicapped" is softer and more acceptable than calling a person "crippled." I fail to see the difference.

I object to defining a person by their disability. Words like "cripple," derived from the Old English "to creep," will perpetuate false ideas. The same is true of "invalid," which means "not valid," or obvious ugly words like "abnormal" or "deformed." Some other words like disabled, lame, limping, gimpy, disabled, or even special bring to mind stereotyped images and often make people who have a disability seem less than human. Such words play upon pity and stimulate illusions of inadequacy.

I have heard people say: he is schizophrenic, he is mentally ill, he is sociopathic, or he is a cripple. Would we say he is measles, he is mumps, or he is chicken pox? We don't define people by their diseases; neither is it right to define people by their handicaps. A person may "have" a handicap but that doesn't make him a handicap. "He is handicapped" defines a person by his disability; while saying "He has a handicap" allows him to be more than "crippled."

Some people are sensitive about their handicap; others do not mind being called "crippled." Some people are so sensitive that they back away from the current labels with one euphemism after another. One man said to me, "I am not handicapped, I am handicapable." Another person said, "Everyone has some handicap; mine is physical and a little more evident." Most people with a handicap have some level of sensitivity about it, particularly when the handicap becomes the center of attention and other obvious virtues are ignored.

I am opting for saying, "He or she has a handicap" (whenever possible) rather than "He or she is handicapped." I know it is a little thing and that I don't do it myself, but it is a step in the right direction. Don't label people by their deficiencies.

However, calling people demeaning names is a matter of the attitude and the heart rather than verbiage. One person can say "crippled" with a sincere attitude that would not bring offense; and another person can correctly address "that person with a handicap" and make you feel like a worm.

Do not help people with a handicap in a deferential manner.
When you look down on a person that you choose to help, it doesn't set well, whether that person has a disability or not. Most of the time when people help me on account of my handicap, they are gracious and friendly. Sometimes I get that "you poor thing" attitude, and I find it not uplifting.

An example of the difference between being deferential and helpful can be found in war when soldiers give special care as they bandage their own wounded--care that the enemy doesn't receive. Or, when we bury the enemy, it is often a common grave without the special services we give our own. That difference is called "empathy." Don't treat a person with a handicap as any less valuable than a person without one. The "I am glad to do it" attitude will set well; but the "why are you in my way" posture can cause offense.

Treat people with a handicap in a normal way.
People with a disability like to think of themselves as mainly normal. So just because you look like Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, doesn't mean you want to be confined to a tower ringing bells. If a person is mainly normal, he or she likes to be treated normally--like anyone else.

One time I was horrified by a man who had no legs, no arms, and was blind. Then I heard him read by passing his lips over raised Braille words. That man did more to change my attitude than any well person.

When you meet a handicapped person you can be grateful you don't have to bear that burden--not a gratitude that makes you condescending or aloof, but one that brings you to a realization that some people are called upon to bear burdens that we wouldn't want.

Let people with a handicap do things for themselves.
People with a disability usually like to do things for themselves, if they can. There may be some exceptions to this rule, but not from me. If I need help, I ask for it: "Could you please reach that shelf for me?" And then I say, "Thank you so much for helping." Sometimes a person rushes over when I am doing something and offers to help me. I usually say, "Thank you very much, but I can do it." On occasions I let them help me when I could do it, just to make them feel better.

The quickest way to make a handicap worse is to be pushed around in a wheelchair and waited on hand and foot. Usually a person needs the exercise of pushing himself and the stretch of reaching for things. Do not take away the independence of people with a handicap. If it is at all possible, let them do it themselves.

Don't lecture people with a handicap on how they ought to be unless you really know how they are.
People with a handicap sometimes experience quite a bit of pain; I know I do. Pain makes you cross and sometimes creates a frown on your face. I have a prejudice: I don't like it when people say to me, "Smile, it can't be all that bad." What do they know. On occasions, it is all that bad. Of course, I smile and say, "Thank you for reminding me." Inside I say, "I wonder if you would be smiling if you were in my condition?"

Softly and gently I need to warn zealous, dedicated people that not everyone who has a crippling condition can be healed by their prayers. I could write a book on the subject, but sufficient for the time being are these words: "Don't throw someone else into the deep water, unless you are walking on it."

Put your evaluation priorities on something higher than a physical disability.

• A person's personality, character, spiritual acumen, and mental ability are all of more importance than physical prowess.

• A person with a handicap is first of all a "person" and needs to be defined that way rather than by a deficiency. However, it seems to me that people have overemphasized physical handicaps and underemphasized mental, emotional, and personality-type handicaps. I would much rather worry with a physical handicap than be all fouled up with a bad mental attitude, constant emotional distress, or scrambled brain circuitry.

1. Accept people and life as they are, not as you think they should be.
   
2. Count your blessings, not your curses.
   
3. Live according to what you have, not according to what you lack.
   
4. Don't establish blame. What difference does it make whose fault it is?
   
5. Get excited about playing the game of life. Enjoy being blocked, hit, tackled, and knocked down. That's a part of the game.
   
6. Recognize your limitations. When a person is running as hard as he can and gets a little push, he won't run faster--he'll only fall down. Don't try more than you can do.
   
7. Don't forget the "fun button" to recharge your batteries. Everyone needs rest, diversion, change of pace, and recreation.
   
8. Think about good things, things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report.
   
9. Remember life on earth is temporary-- no matter how difficult the situation, this too shall pass away.
   
10. Turn impossible problems over to the Creator and leave them there.