Dealing With The Sick

When people are healthy, happy, and doing well, it is not always easy to cope with them. But when we add bad health and illness to all the other contingencies, it is a wonder that people get along at all. I don't suppose people who are sick or who have a handicap or who are somehow disadvantaged or damaged like to think of themselves as "difficult" to cope with. Nevertheless, bad health is not only hard on the people who have it but on the people who must deal with it. We are expected to help the sick, those with a handicap, and the disadvantaged by relating to them to the best of our ability.

Usually a disease is caused by viruses or germs. However, it is extremely difficult to separate categories of illness. They blend together even as they differentiate. Psychosomatic illness can imitate the symptoms caused by germs and viruses so accurately that the best of doctors can be fooled. I knew a man who had a tricky tropical disease. Doctors kept telling him the symptoms were all in his head, but the autopsy proved it wasn't so. And, I have known some people who wasted their lives trying to find out what was wrong when it truly was all in their head.

Today's society often thinks that medicine is 100% accurate and scientific--not so. A lot of medical diagnosis is still an art; and furthermore, those who have faith in the doctor are much more likely to get healed than those who believe that the practitioner is a quack.

Sick people deserve special treatment; and often, those who are taking care of the sick are not prepared to give them even normal treatment. Perhaps we can't heal sick people like doctors do, but we are obligated to do the best we can.

Suggestion #1 -- Treat people who are sick with sincere sympathy.

People who are sick need sympathy, even if they caused the illness. Why not just say, "I'm sorry you are ill," and leave it at that. Never say, "I told you so" or "You had it coming." If a person has a disease like AIDS and you personally think it was because of an evil life-style, do not attempt to be the judge, jury, and executioner--that person does not need our punishment. In fact, like a medical doctor, it is not our job to punish sick people, but to help them. Helping a person is not a signal of approval of life-style. If we have no sympathy for the plight of the ill, who will have sympathy for the consequence of our judgment? Be kind, gentle, and sympathetic with those who are sick.

Suggestion #2 -- Conform to the limitations of the sick.

A hundred specific rules could be expressed according to particular circumstances; but, being alert to special conditions and trying to help the sick recover is the general principle. Treat people who are sick in the way you like to be treated when you are sick.

Suggestion #3 -- Be encouraging and optimistic.

Unless one wears the mantle of a prophet it is quite dangerous and unprofitable to be the purveyor of bad news to the ill. We must remember the research done with witch doctors in Haiti. It was discovered that if a person thought a curse had been affixed, that person would often die. If we walk into a hospital room and announce to a loved one that he is going to die of his illness, there is a strong chance that it will happen. When we deal with sick people it is important to be enthusiastic about their treatment and positive about their future.

Suggestion #4 -- Don't "catch" another person's illness.

Sometimes, when a loved one is very ill, those who care for him or her find themselves catching a psychological disease like depression. Remember that the greatest doctors have compassion for the sick but they do not lose their integrity by becoming mentally, psychologically, or physically ill themselves. Ask yourself, "How does my illness help my loved one recover from his?" The answer will be, it doesn't, it won't, it can't. So, when treating the sick, keep yourself well.

Suggestion #5 -- Pray for people who are sick.

There are no magical absolutes. People do get sick and people do die, and nothing that any doctor or any religious healer can do will stop the inevitable. Our best bet is to pray hard, take medical treatment, delay death as long as possible, and accept it without fear when the time comes.

Suggestion #6 -- Fight sickness by working for wellness.

• Don't treat it like a friend.
  
• Don't cultivate sickness; it's like cultivating weeds.
  
• Don't make yourself sick in order to manipulate anyone--it isn't worth it.
  
• Don't talk about sickness or be abnormally interested in it--sickness does not need to be encouraged.
  
• Don't pretend like you are sick when you are not--it might truly happen.

A good mental attitude can be the most effective way to help the doctor with his treatment. The rule of a good mental attitude applies not only to the person who is sick, but those people who must deal with the sick.

Suggestion #7 -- Pay attention to the rules of good health.

• proper nutrition
  
• adequate exercise
  
• fresh air
  
• a positive spirit
  
• a fulfilling occupation
  
• satisfying interpersonal relationships
  
• a good disposition
  
• service to others
  
• a friendly relationship to life
  
• freedom from harmful habits

Suggestion #8 -- Sometimes it is necessary to tell sick people the hard truth--kindly, but firmly.

1. When we are dealing with a sick loved one who is making life a hell for those who care. As a child when I was recovering from surgery, I was in severe pain. I was bawling and caterwauling up a storm and making life difficult for the nurses. A nurse came up and slapped me hard and exclaimed, "Billy Diehm, you stop that screaming and take your pain like a man." I stopped, the pain got less, and I learned a valuable lesson. I am not suggesting that we slap crying sick people, but I am suggesting that sickness is no excuse for bad manners or self-indulgent behavior. Sometimes we must at least say so.

2. When dealing with a sick person whose harmful habits brought on the illness. My brother-in-law Earl was visiting his brother who was very ill from cirrhosis of the liver brought on by too much drinking. Earl said to his brother, "Bill, you've got to cut down on your drinking." His brother replied, "Mind your own business; you're not my keeper." Earl was rebuked and ceased trying to help his brother. Two years later Bill died of acute alcoholism. Earl said, "I wish I could have helped him." Personally, I thought my brother-in-law was discouraged too easily. I know from long years of experience that sometimes a person must get tough with a loved one who is destroying himself.

3. When dealing with a sick person who is depressed to the point of suicide. Everywhere that Barry went he carried a Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum revolver. Barry was ill with a deteriorating disease called multiple sclerosis. He was determined that he would take his life when the disease progressed to a certain state. There is no way to deal softly with such a situation.

Dealing with people who are sick can be very difficult, but the rules for coping are similar to dealing with the well, except for the need for strong doses of compassion, empathy, and caring. Perhaps our efforts will not be able to heal every sick person we meet, but we can do what we can to help.