You know you are addicted to the Internet when...

• You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act.
  
• You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
  
• Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
  
• Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
  
• You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
  
• You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
  
• You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop
  
• You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
  
• All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
  
• And even your night dreams are in HTML.
  
• You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
  
• You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  
• You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
  
• You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
  
• Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
  
• You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
  
• You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new mail arrives.
  
• Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
  
• All of your friends have an @ in their names.
  
• When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
  
• Your dog has its own home page.
  
• You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
  
• You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
  
• You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
  
• You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated only by a 17" inch svga monitor.
  
• You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
  
• You refer to your age as 3.x.
  
• You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
  
• Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
  
• Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC channel.
  
• You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
  
• You don't know what sex over three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
  
• You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
  
• You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
  
• Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
  
• You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee.t, or [C]ontinue?
  
• You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
  
• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
  
• You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
  
• You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
  
• You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
  
• Your virtual girlfriend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
  
• You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
  
• Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
  
• You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
  
• Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
  
• You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
  
• You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.0 or higher.
  
• You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
  
• The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
  
• You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while you are pretending to catch your breath.
  
• You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
  
• You forget what year it is.
  
• You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
  
• You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
  
• You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
  
• You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
  
• You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
  
• Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
  
• As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
  
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