Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to
make sure it's still there.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.......The
moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be
surprised if they learn their lesson.
When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around
by somebody else.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in
your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading.The few who
learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for
themselves.
From: Frank Noble
Swartz Creek, Michigan -- Here is my collection of quotations----some of which go back to my Mother:
Only dead fish swim with the current.
I never cease to be dumbfounded by the unbelievable things
people believe.
Never scald your tongue on another man's soup.
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant:
the population is increasing.
Integrity is not a conditional word.
Wisdom is not vicarious.
The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross
and which to burn.
Every man has a scheme that will not work.
Never negotiate with anyone who has less authority than you.
Celebacy is not hereditary.
A clear conscience never fixed anything.
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be
disappointed.
Only the dead get a full pardon.
If you lay down with hounds, you're gonna get up with fleas.
A compliment is sometimes better than the truth.
A bore is a person who deprives you of solitude without
providing you company.
Those who do not understand their mistakes are condemned to
repeat them.
Behold the turtle who makes progress only when he sticks his
neck out.
Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it
annoys the pig.
An alcoholic is somebody you don't like who drinks as much
as you do.
You can't run with the hare and hunt with the hounds.
Happiness is a highway, not a destination.
He that always gives way to others will end in having no
principles of his own.
Silence is the perfect expression of scorn.
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear
conscience.
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you
see what it costs when it's free.
People who have no vices have very few virtues.
Even an honest man gets tempted when faced with an idiot.
Pain hurts.
The secret of growing old is having lots of experience you
can no longer use.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Silence is the best reply to the ignorant.
The real enjoyment of fine wine is in knowing when you have
had enough.
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many
optimists.
An optimist is a person who never had much experience.
Though the mills of the gods grind slowly, they grind
exceedingly fine.
The harder you work, the luckier you get.
Denial is more than just a river in Egypt.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Logic is any line of reasoning that proves you are right.
If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
It is better to be approximately right than precisely wrong.
The trouble with lawyer jokes is lawyers don't think they're
funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
Life is like pedaling a bicycle; you won't fall off unless
you stop pedaling.
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Indolence is the mother of poverty.
Yield to temptation----it may not pass your way again.
May I always be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
Justice is when the decision is in your favor.
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.
Never give a party if you will be the most interesting
person there.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
The key to failure is trying to please everybody.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is
usually a poor judge of distance.
If you want a place in the sun, you've got to expect a few
blisters.
Old age comes at a bad time.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you
wanted.
You can't fool all the people all the time, you need only a
majority.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I see I should have
been more specific.
I have no time for patience.
Life is a banquet, and most poor fools are starving to
death.
Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on
the doorbell.
Mistakes are the price we pay for living a full life.
A clear conscience is often the sign of a bad memory.
I may have my faults, but being wrong is not one of them.
TVs need a knob to turn up the intelligence; the one
marked brightness doesn't work.
Love is like a mushroom. You never know if it's the real
thing until it's too late.
Don't mistake personality for character.
I've learned that it's easier to stay out of trouble than
to get out of trouble.
Compromise is the art of dividing a cake so that everybody
believes that he or she got the biggest piece.
Gambling is a method of getting nothing out of something.
It is harder to conceal ignorance than to acquire
knowledge.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Most men hope their lean years are behind them; women
hope theirs are ahead.
Love has the power of making you believe what you would
normally treat with the deepest suspicion.
A sure sign of bureaucracy is when the first person who
answers the phone can't help you.
Morality, like art, consists of drawing the line
somewhere.
People grow old by deserting their ideals.
Swallowing angry words is much easier than having to eat
them.
Beware of the man who knows the answer before he
understands the question.
It is those who have tried it most frequently who are
convinced that marriage is a failure.
Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes
instead of the same old ones.
Middle age is when you have a choice of two temptations
and choose the one that will get you home earlier.
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
If you get caught with your pants down, pull'em up, and
lie about it.
Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the
piano needs to be moved.
Blessed are the incumbents, for they shall inherit their
own mess.
You can't make a long jump without getting sand in your
shorts.
Broadmindedness enables you to see both sides of a
problem------- but not necessarily the solution.
Public office is the last refuge of the incompetent.
A monkey in silk clothing is still a monkey.
We are all of the same clay, but a jug is not a vase.
Absolute certainty is the greatest illusion of all.
If at first you don't succeed, you're running about
average.
Ignorance is no excuse----it's the real thing.
Procrastination gives you something to look forward to.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand.
Knowledge is power.
Opportunity makes a thief.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say
you cannot do.
Variety is the soul of pleasure.
Smoking is a dying habit.
Psychoanalysis is confession without absolution.
Imagination is a poor substitute for experience.
Man's most valuable trait is a judicious sense of what
not to believe.
A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side
in a quarrel.
The scalded cat fears even cold water.
That which is bitter to endure may be sweet to remember.
There is nothing more frightening than ignorance in
action.
Mastery often passes for egotism.
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
Hunger is not debatable.
Some people pay a compliment like they expected a
receipt.
Idleness is the one fault that we excuse most easily.
Hypocrisy is a tribute which vice pays to virtue.
Weak people cannot be sincere.
Experience is the worse teacher; it gives the test
before presenting the lesson.
You only live once---but if you work it right, once is
enough.
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks
around for a coffin.
Fat is a feminist issue.
The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.
Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a failure.
No one can make you feel inferior without your
consent.
Brevity is the soul of wit.
Love is like a cigar. If it goes out, you can light it
again but it never tastes quite the same.
Every pancake has two sides.
Beauty without grace is the hook without bait.
A woman is like a teabag----you can't tell how strong
she is until you put her in hot water.
I soupport publik edjukashun.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
If you shoot for the moon and miss, you're still among
the stars.
Lorena Bobbitt for White House Intern
Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy
driving cabs and cutting hair. -George Burns
"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails" -- sent by HelenMarie
"Life is hard by the yard, but by the inch its a cinch" -- sent by HelenMarie
"Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force." -- Dorothy Sayers
Life is like a dogsled team...unless you are the lead dog, the
scenery never changes - thanks to Phillip Dexter Hudgins - satch@csra.net
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. -- Henry Youngman
You wouldn't worry so much about what others think about you if you
knew how seldom they did. -- thanks to Don & Audrey Doyle dadoyle@sierra.net
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. -- Will Rogers
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. -- William Shakespeare
You really know you're getting old when you bend over to tie your shoes, and you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
Old men like to give good advice in order to console themselves for not being any longer able to set bad examples. -- La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. -- Bob Hope
George Townson, author of Autogiro, model builder and historian explains that with advancing age he "only remembers the important things...whatever they were." -- thanks to Jim Kitchen jkitchen@syix.com
Herb Weiss is trying to simplify life by disposing of old stuff. As he put it: "You can't take it with you--but that's no excuse for leaving it in a mess." -- thanks to Jim Kitchen
