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As the body changes with age, sexual response changes, too. In other words, if you expect to react like newlyweds in the bodies of 50- to 90-year-olds, you may become frustrated and unhappy. But, if you learn to go with the flow and adjust and adapt to the changes in your body, sex can be fulfilling. Sex in the young is fast and furious. But older people need to grow in sexual sophistication and find new vistas of sexual satisfaction. Sex can be expanded to a richer experience that will compensate for the deficits of older people. The message is clear:

ACCEPT THE CHANGES: An older man can still be athletic, but he no longer expects to break Olympic records. The sexual adjustment is really no different from the overall adjustment that we all have to make to the fact that time has a certain impact on our bodies.

• With age, the circulatory flow lessens; the muscles relax. Men have more difficulty attaining and maintaining an erection. Erections may be softer and at a less upright angle. A little more time for stimulation may cure this problem.

• A woman usually has reduced vaginal lubrication after menopause, which may cause irritation during intercourse. Estrogen and/or the use of lubricating gels can prevent this problem.

• Changes in attractiveness such as weight gain, wrinkles, loss of muscle tone, and physical disabilities often make arousal more difficult. A change of focus from physical to mental and spiritual will help. Also a longer period devoted to a prelude of lovemaking and loving words helps.

• Innovations--for some, sex in a different surrounding is stimulating and highly desirable. Why not read a good book on techniques and positions and try some. We recommend Fundamentals of Human Sexuality by Dr. Herant Katchadourian.

• Fantasy--making up stories costs nothing if it doesn't disrupt the relationship. If the partner perceives the fantasy as a hidden wish--today you talk about it, tomorrow you do it--it can become threatening and unacceptable. But if a fantasy helps, use it.

• Change roles--If the man has always been the sexual aggressor, try a shift in roles. The goal is to please each other; talk it over and make your plans.

USE IT OR LOSE IT: The most important factor in keeping sexually active is keeping sexually active. You do this by doing it. If we stop eating, the desire for food may go away; it will come back when we start eating, whether we like it or not.

• Keep the body in the best shape possible. Good nutritious food and physical exercise--whether you feel like it or not--will keep the body active.

• Keep your mind alert and well. Read and study on a regular basis and report to someone what you have read; it will keep your mind in good shape.

• Maintain your habits of worship and do things for other people. When my wife's mother was 92 years old she opened a thrift shop to sell things to help the old folks. Helping people is a key, believe it or not, to a fulfilling sex life in the elderly.